Read all about it It might seem terribly cruel to make light of a story where a young woman has plunged to her death; how would I like such ridicule, after all, were it me. But frankly, if I'm doing handstands on a balcony railing, I deserve all the mockery the world can muster. Note: The news reporters undoubtedly didn't want to make the woman look like a total moron by reporting she was doing this handstand on the railing. However, I don't see how anyone could fall off a balcony doing said handstand if they weren't on the railing, or doing it so close to the railing the legs just flailed right over the side. Either which way, this lady was a complete moron.

Read all about it Give our Lying War on Terror President a big handshake; the blood of a 12 year-old girl is on his hands. His administration's failure to secure our borders has allowed another murderer to take the life of an innocent American child. Liar, megalomaniac, panderer to the Mexicans while not able to care less about Americans (he cares so little), protector of murderers and drug traffickers, and complete idiot to boot... that is our president... that is who is responsible for leaving our borders open like a sieve for this murderer to take this child's life.

Read all about it Iran confirms an "adulterer" (the definition of adulterer in the dark aged middle east is flimsy; he could have flirted by accident with a married woman and he'd be an adulterer) has been stoned to death. The last time organized Christians treated people this way, as far as I know, was Salem Masachussetts, 1610. Amazing what a few hundred years can do for civilized people. I guess that means the Isalmists are uncivilized. I'll say it, as there is absolutely fucking evidence to the contrary.

Go See all about it MWB gives a big hand of applause to the Trojan condom company for airing an ad that might really do some good; highlighting the fact that men are, indeed, just pigs in disguise. Except in this ad, you see the pig, not the disguise, first. It's just a great way to remind women that while the lines might be good, the source of all those words of flattery is really just a pig. So wear a condom already.

On three houses in the flight path of Long Beach airport, Long Beach, CA:

...if you're going to wear a white linen dress, you gotta wear a slip. We 'preciate your sexy panties, but still, pleeeeze! Spare us!

Read all about it Some drunk guy breaks into a place where Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are held. You can't make this shit up!

Read all about it Another beautiful young woman has been murdered--and we'll likely find out 'raped and..'--by someone who forced her into a car. No matter the gun, the knife, or the threats of the monster, fight, kick, scream, yell, throw your body onto the ground, bite, go for the eyes, use your arms and legs to obstruct passage through a car doorway. Fight so hard he's gotta try to kill you right there or leave. The chances are, he's not going to do the former, and will do the latter, which means you get away. But chances are, if you go, you're dead anyway. And heaven help us let's not think of what happens to you in between. Fight ladies, FIGHT.

Read all about it I hate Michael Vick. He deserves to die. Despite his lies, it looks like he was intimately involved in fighting dogs on his property. He is a disgusting creature, and I encourage every NFL linebacker there is to take this monster's head off. To be involved in the torture of the sweetest creatures who love people so much they would do anything for them just for the thrill of blood and gambling... there is no hell harsh enough for this monster.

If you've ever wondered how you could possibly blow over two thousand dollars, here's the hideous Versace purse for you!