Read all about it Right from the bowels of the Florida county that could not manage to punch a hole next to the candidate they wished to vote for, we have another Broward county Idiot Voter award. One of the same geniuses who couldn't work the punch cards in 1999 seems to have mailed their absentee ballot using a stamp worth over $200,000. The stamp hasn't been authenticated, but there doesn't seem to be any other explanation for a 24 cent stamp. The hawk-eyed County Commissioner spotted the stamp, as he had dabbled in stamp collecting in his youth. In fairness (although I'm not sure fairness is deserved here) the article mentions that since these stamps are so valuable, fakes have been sold on eBay. Maybe this voter got a fake on eBay and decided to use it on his/her absentee ballot. However, you will note that the article further explains the ballot was disqualified for having no name on the envelope, so Idiot Voter might very well have swiped a book of stamps from great grandpa's cherished collection and slapped one of them on the ballot. It all happened in Florida, after all....

Read all about it As a coffee hater because to me it has always tasted like crap, this is validation in the highest form. So all I can say is...do you know where your beans come from? Are you sure your coffee didn't come from cat-like creature poop?

Okay, this is IT. IT! IT I tell you! Weenie guy in the middle handed out "Tony" Awards (weenie guy's name is Tony) last night during the Monday Night Football game. We saw "awards" for "Best Choreography" (WTF!) and "Best Costume" (HUH?! WTF! there ain't no costumes in FOOTBALL! oh, then again, it was a Raider's game and their fans are space aliens in human costumes and sometimes space aliens in space alien costumes) and "Best Actor" (AYFKM?* WTF?! although we were mildly amused Terrell Owens was the winner in this category). Even so...as mildly amusing as this little schtick was, WTF dude, WTF. What's next? Tony Weenie will be talking about how a football fan should do home decorating? Or which china you should use during your next formal Superbowl dinner? In a world of weenie-ness, turning weenier by the day (click -->Here<-- on the wussification of our great Nation), one would think one could count on football as the last bastion of the pure manly man. The place where a woman finds real men who don't squeal like Miss Piggie when they get a paper cut and couldn't give a rats ass about bonzai trees and even better...they don't even know what a bonzai tree is. Tony Weenie is wussifying our last manly stand and we won't stand for it anymore! STOP! One highlight of the Tony Weenie Awards...Tony Weenie offered a Tony Award to his left-side commentator (these guys are so bad I'm not even bothering to remember their names). Whoever that guy is just looked down at the thing (I couldn't even tell what the award object was) and didn't put his hand out to accept it. Tony asked something like "aren't you going to accept your award?" to which left side guy either didn't respond at all or subtly said, "uh, no that's okay"... something like that. Now THAT'S funny. *Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Read all about it While we have set child murderers loose upon our society so that they can murder again (to refresh your memory, click --> Here <-- or --> Here <--), another example of the failure of keeping drugs illegal splashes its ugly face across our headlines. Okay, it's a bit of a stretch to use the fall of this Evangelical Christian man as an argument against criminalized drugs. Then again, is it? After all, here's a pillar of our society, the exemplar extraordinaire of above-par morality and behavior, and he's buying meth (which he didn't inhale, puhleeeze bite me) and diddling a male prostitute (quite good-looking, btw). Isn't this a sign that sending people to prison for using drugs in the privacy of their own homes is just a goddamn waste? That if a person--even a person pursuing a so-called moral life of the highest order--wants to get these drugs not only can they but they will? Aren't our tax dollars better spent keeping murderers in prison forever? Aren't our tax dollars better spent defending and protecting our borders against violent criminals than going after pot smokers? You think that keeping drugs criminalized protects your children? Really? Then how do you explain that we set child murderers free to murder more children while someone carrying a pound of pot has been locked away for life due to federal sentencing guidelines? How do you splain this, Loocy?

Read all about it Another life has been ended violently and far too young by a madman who has maimed and murdered before. A monster was released from prison this past March where he had served 29 years for murdering a 5 year-old boy and seriously injuring his mother by stabbing her too. This monster has struck again. You read that correctly; a 5 year-old child was slaughtered by a monster, his mother nearly murdered, and such a creature was set free upon society again. Predictably, this creature has shattered countless more lives with the murder of a young 16 year-old two weeks ago. Again, you've got it right, you're not going crazy, but I'll repeat it again in case I've lost ya'... A monster was released from prison in March after having murdered a precious 5 year-old boy and nearly murdering his mother, then committed another heinous act of violence and murder within 7 months of his release. After 29 years, the creature's urge to murder and maim had not been eliminated. There is only one logical conclusion; all murderers, all rapists, all child molesters, and all other classifications of violent criminals should be locked away FOREVER. Let them rot in prison. I don't even care if we gas 'em; just lock them up and keep them away from our families. That's the only way to stop this carnage. Terrorism amongst and by our own inhabitants should be ONE STRIKE YOU'RE OUT!

So this year, Monday Night Football went to ESPN. As annoying as John Madden can be, holding his hand up so you can see his Super Bowl rings, endlessly talking about "momentum", and Al Michaels, John's seeming lapdog, eesh, I was happy to learn they would not be the MNF commentators when it went to ESPN. Alas, as Granny always said, be careful what you ask for. The MNF commentating on ESPN this season is worse than bad. It's horrible. The endless drivel about some game that happened 20 years ago...Last night: "Remember that game in 1986?" And for 99% of the people watching, NO, they DON'T remember some random game from 20 years ago. Oh, but it gets much worse... They went on to somehow call the "front line" of some basketball team the "best" front line in basketball. Then, one of the idiots said, "Oh, to segue..." then began speaking about the football game they were supposed to be commenting on in the first place! iGanja properly noted something along the lines of, "You idiot! the segue was your random claptrap on basketball!" Oh, but it gets much worse... At some point, the weenie little guy in the middle of this commentating team with an 80 combined IQ said, do I dare try to remember this verbatim? It was so fucking random I can't even recall what analogy he was making...but it was something like, "It's like Shirley Maclaine in [enter name of some fucking Broadway musical here] on Broadway." Huh? I think he was talking about the Tom Brady, and how reliable he is. But shit man, come ON! There isn't a straight guy outside New York City who wants to hear one lick about Broadway musicals! And to compare one of the best (and hottest and manliest) football players to an old superstitious hag like Shirley Maclaine, WTF!!!!! I was speechless... As much as we tried to fiddle with turning off this speaker, moving the balance, you name it, we could not silence these buffoons and still hear the game so we were stuck. Note to Monday Night Football at ESPN: FIRE THESE GUYS NOW! The games have sucked enough...do we have to hear lame commentary by three ugly guys, too? Pleeeeeze!

CNN has a video news blurb about a twenty year-old Alabama man who sexually assaulted his own mother. Yes, the chuckles could begin if the story wasn't so tragically bizarre. And the bizarro-ness mounts (eh-hem) when you learn, by watching said video blurb, that the attack occurred when said Alabama man entered his mother's trailer and assualted her while she was passed out drunk on the sofa. Okay, to avoid any further stints in Purgatory, Michela is just going to stop right there. Let the comments begin!

Read all about it Unbelievably, I've seen three examples in the last two days of two-sided reporting on the CNN channel and CNN.com. I keep checking my pulse, and fortunately, it's still there. But given the shocking nature of such fairness by ardent socialist Ted Turner's network, it's amazing I'm not dead on the floor. This piece is a response by Jim Gilchrist to an ingratiating opinion piece about the events at Columbia University where students successfully put a wet towel on a freedom of speech fire. They violently attacked Mr. Gilchrist and thereby prevented him from speaking; an infringment on free speech which, if committed by non-liberals, would have caused a media maelstrom not seen since Nixon's henchment broke into the Watergate Hotel. But since the violence was perpetrated against conservative speech, eh, eesss okay mayn. But here is the fabulous quote in which Gilchrist challenges CNN.com readers to wonder whether they think for themselves, or they are led around by the media sheepherders:

The hope and belief of Navarrette and his fellow propagandist journalists, along with anti-American groups like those that disrupted my speech, is that readers are so simple-minded they cannot distinguish between truth and fiction. One can only hope that CNN.com readers are not so easily fooled.

Unfortunately, Mr. Gilcrhist, those who can already think for themselves agree with you. Too many sheep are following the anti-American sheepherders who are leading this Nation off the edge of a steep cliff. There is no sign of reason interceding before we hit the canyon floor. And most of our politicians are ready to follow the sheep right of the edge. Hopefully, Planet Michela will be ready for reasonable people to escape to when the freefall begins.

Why are people so retarded about using the Reply to All feature in company email? Two recent examples: -- An associate sent out an email with an urgent request for someone who speaks Mandarin Chinese. At LEAST 20 idiot replies (to all, of course) said, simply, "I don't speak Mandarin. Sorry!" Another 20 replies were generated when a reply-to-all idiot replied (to all) "Please remove me from this email thread." with 20 MORE replies (to all) "Me too!" Starting with reply-to-all idiots in the first email flood: the requestor needed people who DO speak Mandarin Chinese, NOT a list of company employees who DO NOT! And, FYI, 1700 people DO NOT need to know that you DO NOT speak Mandarin Chinese! We'd guess that fact with 100% accuracy! How? You're too dumb to learn such a complicated language! And to you reply-to-all idiots in the second reply-to-all flood, you were the idiots who caused the thread to be perpetuated another 40 times! So remove YOU from the thread? What, and reduce the annoyance to you for your annoyance to US? No way! --An associate advises the occupants of X building that the power will be out from 9 p.m to midnight and okay, we'll give benefit of the doubt that someone actually needs to know this. Then a reply-to-all idiot replies (to all) "Thanks for the update, John Doe!" Okay reply-to-all idiot, nobody cares to see your thank you! Whew, I feel so much better... now if only I could reply-to-all with this rant attached!

It has happened. Two United States Border Patrol Agents doing their jobs will spend 11 & 12 years in prison each for defending your nation against illegal aliens and drug traffickers. The drug trafficker will get $5,000,000 of your tax dollars in a lawsuit he has filed, and which has now been completely validated with the persecution and prosecution and conviction of these agents. And, according to George the Liar Bush ("fight against terror" my ass; you want our borders open and you have just intimidated every single US Border Patrol agent into letting anyone and anything cross our borders), Alberto the Pig Fucker Gonzales ("Attorney General" is right, you generally think like an attorney which is what's in it for me justice-be-damned), and Debra the CUNT Kanof ("Chief of Major Crimes" who lets illegal alien drug traffickers testify against US Border Patrol Agents, and let's the MAJOR CRIMINAL--the trafficker--completely off the hook), according to all these cocksuckers, your nation is safe now that this man is going to prison and his three children will be fatherless for 11 years. Agent Ramos and his wife: