From Randall Warner, Republican farmer in Kansas:

Stick a Republican and a Democrat in a sack, shake it up, pour it out, and the same rapacious thing crawls out. Creatures from a smoke-filled room.

A long-neglected category here at MWB, but I've got to put this one out there before another poor soul shells out one more hard-earned cent on a BMW. What's the problem you say? 1: I've had at least 20 minor to major defects in 2 1/2 years of owning the car which I purchased with 9 miles on it. It couldn't have been any newer a car unless I put it together myself in Germany. 2: The "free maintenance" plan is bullshit -- it's a pain in the ass to get in -- the BMW paid maintenance is every 15,000 miles. By the time that 15,000 miles is up, the car is falling completely apart. My maintenance is due in 500 miles, my battery light is going on and off, the trunk latch is behaving strangely, the glove compartment lock is broken again, the front end is wiggly, and they won't let me bring it in that 500 miles earlier; I can get the defects handled, but then I gotta go through the pain in the ass process AGAIN to get the oil changed in 500 miles. It's hardly worth the "free" oil change. 3: The brakes are designed to disintigrate every 10,000 miles. I'm about to be on my 3rd set of front brakes. BMW claims this is "by design" and facilitates that famous BMW handling. iGanja has one fo the best handling cars I've ridden in (an Infinity FX),and his brakes don't disintigrate every 10k miles. 4: Side effect of the disintigrating brakes...black brake dust coats the wheels so fast it's hardly worth washing the wheels. Washed them yesterday...they're black already today, I drove 7 miles today. 5: The leather on the seats is as fragile as paper. I carted a 160 pound mastiff around in my Mercedes SL 500; not a scratch on those seats. My 10 pound chihuahua has scratched the hell out of my beemer seats. I won't even bother to go on. Just trust me...neither Consumer Reports nor MWB recommends BMW automobiles anymore. The handling is nice, it's true, but it's hardly worth allt he crapola you have to put up with just to take a corner 1/50th of a mile faster than a soft Mercedes can take it.

This is just plain funny stuff, I tell you whut! Thanks to MWB-er Frenchie for these gems: 1. 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent representing a celebrity. www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company... www.powergenitalia.com 6. And we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. www.cummingfirst.com 8. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com 9. Then there are those crazy art designers and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com

Read all about it When harvesting pot, try not to smoke so much at the farm that you forget you're walking down the street carrying pot plants with the roots and all, especially if the county jail is on the route between the farm and home.

Read all about it Florida is just an endless source of laughable maroonery. Unfortunately this story is a quite sad commentary on what can happen when said maroonery can make decisions that are so utterly destructive (like the guy who proudly invented CFCs...). I realize this was 30 years ago, but even 30 years ago we knew that tires had to be disposed of carefully because they would degrade into soil, polluting the soil. Gee, then what 68 IQ idiot thought that tires dissolving in the ocean would create a life supporting ocean reef? Did the idiot's flippers clap or just wave when the idea hit the conference room blackboard? Or was this decision rendered based on the wink of a groundhog? "He winked!" "Well, does that mean he approves?" "Yeah, says right here a groundhog wink is a 'yes' vote. So say the groundhog! Let the tire dumping begin!" And with this, the (so far) creme-de-la-creme Florida moron story, MWB succumbs and has created the category "Florida Fun." Welcome to our target list of mockery, FL!

Read all about it Muslims are outraged at the Pope for calling some of the teachings of Islam's founder (Muhommad?) "evil and inhuman." Gee, what could he possibly have been talking about...those that demand death to the infidels? Those that demand that women are horribly oppressed? Those teachings? Hmm. Bad pope, bad! And to such an incorrect statement, the forward thinking Muslim community says:

And in Turkey, the ruling party likened the pontiff to Hitler and Mussolini and accused him of reviving the mentality of the Crusades.

Ah yes, the progressive nature of Islam is weary of a 'revival' of the 'mentality' of the Crusades. To which I say, man, you guys are waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy ahead of the Christians on that front; you've been beheading people and torturing and murdering people who do not follow in strict Islamic fundamentalist ways, even when those you torture and murder are Muslim because they're not Muslim enough... Sounds like the Crusades to me you whackos! Only difference is, our Crusades were 1,000 years ago; yours continues on this very day. Now, if only the ruling party in Turkey would make similar proclamations against the barbaric behavior of Muslim terrorists...

Read all about it This is as liberal a spin as any I've seen; and it's on Foxnews.com no less. It is basically a small diatribe about how the government, and schools, and government programs are failing to address the growing issue of obesity in children. I have been to a number of baseball games this year. You know what I see at every single game? Parents and children. You know what the children are eating? Peanuts. Cotton candy. Gigantic hot dogs. Nachos. All at the same game! There's a pudgo family who sits behind us who sits there and orders this stuff constantly from the in-seat service (these are club seats I'll have you know...thanks iGanja!). From the minute the National Anthem is done to the final pitch in the 9th inning, this family is eating eating eating. The daughter, who appears to be about 10, is already just plain fat. Their son is on his way (he appears to be about 8). So I'd like some liberal nutball to tell me how a government program or a teacher or a school can counter a family like that. What, you're going to beat the kids up all day while the idiotic parents stuff their faces all night? How's that going to help? If that mother can't see what a fat pig her daughter is, no school program will change that. No amount of funding, no nothing. Who knows where this fat-kid 'epidemic' will stop, if it ever does. But I assure you, until parents like that wake the fuck up, it definitely will not. And no government program will wake them the fuck up either, I am certain.

Relishing in the glow of a fantabulous SHUT OUT of the Raiders by my San Diego Chargers on Monday Night Football in Oakland, I was wondering what those creatures were in the stands of the stadium. I did some searching today, and I figured out what they were even though they have tried very hard to hide their true, non-human origns...they are Ferengi! The teeth...the scowls...the broken English...it all fits!

Read all about it MWB's Michela got so excited to have her picture taken with her heroine, Sara A. Carter of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin, she forgot to do some more due diligence. Thanks Maddox Man for pointing that out. This is the link to a complete versoin of Sara Carter's article, the one that triggered the outrage that just might save two American Heroes from losing the rest of their lives to a prison sentions...seeing their SIX children fatherless...all for shooting an illegal alien drug dealer carrying ~750 pounds of pot...all while doing their level best as Border Patrol Agents along a very hostile border.

Those are lyrics from one of my favorite songs by The Stone Roses, and in this story, the words couldn't be more accurate. MWB presents to you Sara Carter, reporter for the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin. She is the taller, hot blonde on my left (for you spacially challenged, she is simply on your right as you look at the screen). MWB Salutes Sara, the reporter who uncovered the story of the persecution of Ignacio "Nacho" Ramos and Jose Compean. She went to El Paso, Texas presuming that she couldn't possibly have the story right; that the outright persecution just couldn't be as bad as it sounds. Upon arriving, interviewing the Department of Justice's Assistant US Attorney General Bitch Debra Kanof (keep calling her at (915) 534-6884 and telling her what a mockery she makes of the word "Justice"), upon interviewing Jose & Ignacio (Nacho), she found the story as appalling as it really is, and for that, she is my heroine. See, the liberal media cocksuckers at the LA Times would have found a way to spin the guys guilty, no matter what overwhelming evidence to the contrary they uncovered. Sara is an MWB heroine because she did what a reporter should do, and that's ucover the story, remove the biases, and report as-is. Thank you Sarah! Largely because of you, these guys have a fighting chance. No paper in their hometown supported them, no other paper in California brought this story to the fore, and once you wrote your story, a John and Ken Show listener sent it to them, and as the top-listened-to drive-time show in Los Angeles with over one million listeners in LA alone, PLUS Riverside, Orange, San Bernardino, and Ventura counties, these guys have A LOT of support now. Let's hear it for Rockstar Sara A. Carter....