But we sure as hell don't want an Antique Muff! I bet Muff has a big bushy one, too... eeewwww!

Read all about it More and more people are able to use nurse practitioners instead of doctors for preliminary care. As everyone begins to demand Rolls Royce health care for go kart prices, this option will make more and more (dollars and) sense. Doctors have historically made themselves out to be the holders of the golden medical keys, but this self-made medical myth is proving to be as fictional as Prometheus seeing his liver eaten by a crow every day for all eternity. For example, a recent study found that a computer program which was fed the symptoms of typical illnesses diagnosed the illness correctly >90% of the time. Doctors who were handed these same symptoms and then asked what illness the symptoms described got it right just over 50% of the time. Doctors are people, but they are so far into Egomaniaville that they feel they are impervious to error and everyone else is not. So to continue this philosophy that doctors should be the gatekeepers of all medical treatment is to damn us into emergency room visits for throbbing ear infections that flare up on a Saturday. Creative medical treatments and sources for said care are the cure to the medical care cost crisis.

Yes, you too can not only appreciate the oppression of communist regimes (hmm, a few come to mind; Pol Pot, China, Stalin), but also exalt in their glories and promote their oppressive values, all while being a Capitalist Pig. How does one go about such a "progressive"* way of living? It's simple! Go to the Capitalist Pig capital of the world, Nordstrom's department stores, and buy a pair of $150 jeans with the Chinese red star butt label. It's not only that simple, but such a deal for you little Commie Piggie! *Liberals loooove to call their ways of thinking "progressive", when in reality, the only thing that "progresses" under such a mentality is the high rate at which bums under the bridge convert to state-supported couch potatoes.

An MWB affiliate has provided Mistress Michela the transcript of an eConversation which took place between him and a new "friend" on the famous MySpace.com website which, by Michela's estimation, is almost the biggest time-waster on earth; it's second only to government forms which must be filled out in quadruplicate and signed by the blind 75 year-old DMV employee with the title DMV Line Supervisor II-A. Note: In case you don't guess, names changed to protect the MWB liability.:)

Joe: hello Jane: hi Joe: hows it going hata' Jane: ,lol Jane: hata? Joe: Jane: youre corny Joe: see, there you going hating Jane: haha well theres so much to hate Jane: Joe: lots of things to choose from Jane: there is Joe: :-( Jane: please Jane: blah Jane: eMne Joe: hm? Jane: men Joe: women aren't much better honey Jane: we're all so fucked Joe: true that's why you should be misinthropic like me Joe: and hate everyone Jane: i do Jane: im too cynical Joe: welcome to my world Joe: it gets worse Joe: my cynism has only matured with age like a fine wine Jane: ive always been this way Joe: so have I Joe: except now i am more so Joe: i've got like 6 years of cynism on you i believe Joe: how old are you Jane: how old do you think Joe: somewhere between 14 and 50 Joe: am i right? Joe: i'm psychic Jane: yeah Jane: youre good Jane: ;p Joe: i could tell by your sign Jane: my sign? Joe: i'm just being a jackass Joe: how old are you really Jane: 20, almost 21 Joe: congratz Jane: yeah great Joe: your a regular ball of sunshine Joe: Jane: i never realized how hard it was to find someone to just talk to and connect with, it feels near impossible Jane: you're Jane: dumbass Jane: im surrounded by morons Jane: *sigh* Joe: haha Joe: aren't we all Jane: right Joe: people suck Joe: i've always thought Joe: that if a more advanced life Jane: can a relationship be too intense? Jane: is there such thing? Joe: came here....and tried to take over, i'd help thme out Jane: does it make sense? Joe: it makes sense Joe: i don't think so Joe: except it can blind you to the problems Joe: that are underlying Jane: can you still love someone if its too intense Jane: but let it go? Joe: yep Joe: just don't see the person Joe: it fades with time Jane: i felt so weak when i was with him Jane: yeah well he lives far Joe: trick is not to see the person Joe: or communicate Jane: i havent spoken to him in 3 weeks Jane: almost 3 Joe: its a start Jane: yeah Jane: its hard Jane: very hard Joe: i know Joe: gotta keep doing it Jane: i cry every night Joe: gets easier with time Jane: its horrible Jane: ive never loved anyone like i love him Joe: can't help you with that, i cry about once every year and a half Jane: and the worst part he makes me feel like he feels nothing Joe: yah...but you'll say that about the next one Jane: no Joe: yes...you don't know what you don't know Jane: ivedated a lot Joe: your 20 Jane: yeah i know though Joe: i've felt the same way before Jane: i might not marry him Jane: but i know we have /had something special....rare Joe: nah Jane: he just blows my mind Joe: its cuz of your age Jane: im mature for my age Jane: im not like most 20 year olds Jane: i feel Joe: its not about maturity Joe: its about experiences Jane: ive had a lot of experiences Jane: ive dated since i was 14 Joe: damn woman Jane: ive gone thru a lot of hurt Joe: well Jane: haha Joe: there will be a lot more Jane: i guess Joe: guarantee Jane: youre not very good at this thing called a converstation Jane: you just keep putting my emotions down saying im young Joe: well, your very good at insulting Jane: nobody wants to fucking hear that douchebag Joe: douchebag? wtf! Jane: you cant even tell the difference between your and youre Jane: and youre a law major Jane: youre a fucking joke Joe: i'm trying to help you out Jane: fuck off Joe: wtf Joe: alright, be a fucking cunt Jane: cunt? Jane: block Joe: i can see why the guy doesn't like you Jane signed off at 10:24:53 PM.

I know it looks like our roving photojournalist Michela was tilted to the left, say, trying to empty water out of one ear or some such thing, but no, Michela was standing straight up and down. And why a person would purposely tilt their truck at a 20 degree angle to one wheel is truly the mystery of the day.

Read all about it When planning a trip to a third world nation where HIV and other STDs are rampant, you might want to pack a condom.

Click here to see all about it WTF is all I could muster for this one. A hawkeyed MWB affiliate in San Diego passed this one to Marla, and demanded that Michela blog about it. But what can I say! WHAT! It really speaks for itself. I think. PS: Must have sound to appreciate

Read all about it ...I'm not surprised that there are other grass eaters who want to save lobsters, the edible crustaceous equivalent of the cockroach. This neighbor would find cockroaches in her condominium, put them ina shoe box, and take them oustide and set them free. Then sit down to a nice broiled chicken dinner. I didn't get it then, I don't get it now. A biology teacher I had held up a dried pea in class and advised us it was on the high-end size of a lobster's brain. Whatever sympathies I held for those little guys went into the lobster pot that very day. Lobsters are primitive creatures, barely more sentient than a flea (if at all), and they taste reeeeallly good. Why Whole Foods would have a problem with the lobster tanks and still serve a host of other slaughtered critters much more deserving of our sympathy than the boiled Red Cockroach is beyond me. Waaay. Thanks to Hawk-eyed Marla-bee, ever watchful of the efforts to shrink our food choices through misguided efforts, even though she wouldn't touch a lobster or a plate of foie gras to save her hot-bodied life!

Read all about it So, imagine, you've just killed your wife. That could be the start of a bad day. Then you cut her head off, and in the process of taking the head to its hiding place, you crash your car and the head flies out the back; all while a local police officer observes the crash and the head as it goes flying out of the car. How does your day get worse? You just killed two people (a mother and child, no less) in the crash and so you will also be charged with double vehicular homicide, in addition to the plain old homicide of your wife. The only day that will be worse than yesterday for this guy is the day his pro bono defense attorney tries to find a sympathetic jury.