Read all about it California is the 49th state to discontinue the "time lady"... the voice that would tell you what time it is in 10 second intervals. I'm gonna miss that broad... The last state to offer this service? Nevada... but they're on the way out too as soon as their equipment starts to age as well. Bye bye time... Hello World!

Read all about it The best one of all? Let's hear it for blowjob central, Vermont!

In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Maybe not the inspirational stuff Maddox was looking for, but a good gut laugh is close to inspirational.

I found a picture of Amy Winehouse on the internet. For the love of god! Have you ever seen a more demonstrative before/after pic of anyone in your life?

Read all about it A quote from this article about the infanticide of female babies in India--due in large part to the sizeable dowries required upon marrige--says it all:

Why pay 50,000 rupees to your new in-laws when you can pay 500 rupees for an abortion?

How sad for the mother highlighted in this story, unable to rejoice at the birth of her precious little girl. It is stories like these that make me rage when I hear people talk about how awful the United States is, how horrible capitalism is. How horrible Western life is. Yes, how horrible indeed; we love our little baby girls. how horrible. And if that's not horrible enough, ponder this photograph of a widow in India forced to beg in the streets upon the death of her husband. In many societies in India, a woman whose husband dies is bad luck. They are cast out by the children they raised with all they had, and suffer in loneliness and sadness to the end of their days:

Go read the rest Curse you, Western World, for caring about your baby girls and your widowed mothers. Curse our cars, our prosperity, our relatively easy life. Curse everything that we have and own; it is evil. Communism, caste systems, poverty... that's the way to make a better life for women and children. I see that now.

Go See all about it MWB gives a big hand of applause to the Trojan condom company for airing an ad that might really do some good; highlighting the fact that men are, indeed, just pigs in disguise. Except in this ad, you see the pig, not the disguise, first. It's just a great way to remind women that while the lines might be good, the source of all those words of flattery is really just a pig. So wear a condom already.

On three houses in the flight path of Long Beach airport, Long Beach, CA:

Read all about it Some drunk guy breaks into a place where Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are held. You can't make this shit up!

Read all about it Marla-bee brings us this 'news' that a Los Angeles Times sportswriter is a transsexual who is about to undergo the operation. I mean no offense to eagle-eyed blogger Marla, but this is NOT news. Say again, you say? DUH! All communist manifesto writers at the LA Times are confused!

Everyone has now heard of Phil Spector, the uber famous record producer of Gods of Rock such as The Beatles. But does he live a double life? The aye-aye is a very rare creature native to Madagascar. I think the reason it is spotted so rarely is because all aye-aye sightings are really Phil Spector, on brief visits to Madagascar.

Think I'm wrong? Can you tell who's who here?

Update: In Michela's rush to post this absolutely fabulous gem, she (me) failed to properly credit the source, a fellow blogger whose site is http://animatematters.blogspot.com. This fellow blogger properly names his ultimate source... Must love Gore-bee's internet; through this guy's post about that guy's post about another person's post, you know just about all there is to know just by visiting MediaWatchblog.com!!! Teaching Math In the fifties: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math In the sixties: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math In the seventies: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? Teaching Math In the eighties: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math In the nineties: A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.) Teaching Math In 2007: Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

Read all about it I read this article, and the only other two news articles (or topics) that have made me more angry than this one are those related to my Border Patrol agents (BUSH the LIAR...FREE THE TEXAS THREE!) and the story of a little boy in Georgia kidnapped, raped, and murdered by a father/mother/son trio. This kind of news is enough to make a person want to hunker down and promote world destruction via nuclear bombs. Some days, a world this terrible doesn't seem worth saving. Of course I find the good things in life too, like South Park and Trader Joe's Pound Plus Chocolate Bar with Almonds.. Let's not forget the hysterical photographs one can take in a place called Lamont, California. So what's this heavy jive all about? A little girl who was "diagnosed" with ADD and bipolar disorder at the ripe old age of 2 1/2 years. A year and a half later, she is dead from an overdose of the drugs she was given for her "conditions"; she died a slow, painful death. In the final hours of her life, she tried to get into mommy's room for comfort; in the pain of her looming death, she wanted mommy. Ironically enough, it was mommy and daddy who had slowly been murdering her all along. It's enough to make you want to poke a hole in the prison wall where these monsters are being held for murder and claw their eyes out. These parents medicated the hell out of their children, courtesy of YOUR tax dollars (the were on welfare and medicaid). And these monsters managed to find a public defender who lays sole blame on the doctor; the parents were merely "dutifully" following the "doctor's orders." My ass. They didn't want to deal with their kids' normal behavior. The didn't want to be parents. They wanted drugs to babysit their children so they wouldn't have to do it themselves. And how on god's green earth they found a psychiatrist to go along with this scheme... that psychiatrist should be drawn and quartered with the same horse used on the parents. Two more things come to mind; one, how many more children are similarly drugged up (or down, I should say) with the blessing of an evil psychiatrist? If a child doesn't die, this goes on forever, until this completely ruined human being has to go out into the world and fend for themselves, and their brains have likely been irreversibly damaged. And two, if the field of psychiatry wants to elevate itself from the charges leveled at it by whackos like Scientologists, they should self-police themselves better.

Read all about it Al Goreby in all his sky-has-fallen glory, has duped millions in the country into believing he really cares about the environment. In the meantime, he is flying all over the place guilting ordinary people into self-loathing because of the so-called global warming phenomenon...once someone tells me why it was hotter when the dinosaurs were here, went into an ice age, then got so warm you could farm on Greenland, all while humans managed to evolve into a very successful species, but NOW we should be running around afraid of our own shadows, then I'll be convinced. In the meanwhile.... Gore's flying around is using some astronomically higher amount of gas than the average American. Now, we also learn his mansion consumes TWENTY TIMES the amount of resources as the average American household. What, only the rich get the convenience of air conditioning without guilt? Only the rich get to consume huge swaths of land while the rest of us should cram into "land efficient" (read: multi-story matchboxes) housing? WTF?! And there's still a person out there who listens to this asshole? This chronic prevaricator? And Hollywood. PUHLEEZE! Their limosines... their flying here there and everywhere at the drop of at hat...their mansions which consume the most pristine cliffs in the world... Anybody know what the "footprint" on the earth is when they film explosions, and floods, and fires, and everything else? I'm just so sure! Don't be a fool people... global warming is purely a way to shift money from wealthy people (except the most elite) to the poor, from wealthier nations to poorer nations. It's a way to control what humans do (except the most elite) and to frighten them into submission in some pre-ordained way. It's the new cult religion, and you should be afraid.

Read all about it Read the above article to find out why America's Most Wanted finds that the persecution of the three fine men you see below has points directly to the Bush Administration and its desire to create open borders. FREE THE TEXAS THREE

Read all about it Now if I had this math teacher in high school, maybe I wouldn't have ditched class so often. Here's a math problem on a real math test given by a teacher in New Mexico:

Smoky J. sells meth. Smoky's source says he has to sell a G's worth of meth by the end of the month. If Smoky sold 240 dollars the first week and 532 dollars the second week, how much money must Smoky make if he wants to avoid the beat down from his connection?

It's a little unclear how said teacher didn't anticipate the beat down he was in for by putting such a question on a math test.

Read all about it I just don't know what to think when undercover Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms agents have so little real fucking work to do that they: 1-- Conduct an "investigation" into the possibility that illegal betting on a football game is occurring at an ELK'S lodge. You read that right...an ELK'S lodge. 2-- Send armed agents into said lodge to search it, and confiscate an envelope containing $50 from the so-called illegal gambling operation at said ELK'S lodge. 3-- The "head" (yeah, dickhead) of the Riverside ATF justifies this outrageous waste of taxpayer dollars by saying the football pool is a "violation of the law" and that the agency must "take whatever we feel is appropriate action to ensure compliance". You read that quote right as well... "whatever WE feel" is the appropirate action. Who the hell do these people work for anyway? Who pays their paychecks? YOU my friends, YOU do! This dickhead furter states that he is recommending a one year probationary period for the non-compliant ELK'S LODGE which would require the Elk's lodge to cease and desist all "gambling activities" (since when the hell is a $50 football pool a gambling activity! JFC!) must be halted. He confirms, my friends, that such a suspension includes the Elk's Lodge 50-50 raffle event that raises money for disabled children and veterans. Oh, and by the way, a 73 year-old great grandmother and a 39 year-old Elk's Lodge volunteer are facing a year in jail due to the powerful gambling racket they were running over there at the ELK'S lodge. Can I say this enough times? It was a $50 football pool at an ELK'S Lodge! I don't know about you folks, but I am really starting to believe we live in a poilce state and we need to be very, very afraid of our police, government, and politicians. Very, very afraid.

With Michela's fury over the prison beating of Ignacio Nacho Ramos put on ice so that she doesn't drop dead of a heart attack after pulling out all her thick locks with the hand-wringing of the clinically insane, we're going to lighten the post up a bit today with this fabulous quote from her favorite rag, MAXIM magazine:

Popped Collars... Complete list of the people who can get away with this look: Elvis, Elvis impersonators, Dracula. Everybody else, tuck them down. Dick.

For those guys out there who are still unclear on this immutable fashion edict, please see the following clearly illustrated guide before you become a dick:

Her second favorite quote from MAXIM? Where the writer tells "kelp boy" that vegan bacon sucks. However, given the recent events at the Canadian pig farm, we'll just keep that one under our hats.

Mr. President, I have supported you when others laughed and thought I was stupid. I supported the war in Iraq when it was becoming increasingly clear that public sentiment was turning against it. I supported your choices for Supreme Court and Cabinet. I voted for you and Republican candidates at all levels despite the media’s propaganda. I have been loyal to the ideals that you have pretended to follow. Now you show your true colors in refusing to pardon Ignacio Ramos and Jose Campean. Tom Tancredo is absolutely correct: You are an embarrassment to the office of the President of the United States of America. Even if you win the war in Iraq (which you won’t now that congress is run by the Democrats), you will LOSE the war on terror by refusing to close the southern border. Your myopic “open borders” policy is going to allow terrorists to freely enter the U.S. and Americans will die. But you do not seem to care about that, just keeping your buddies down south happy. Pathetic. How can you call yourself a God-fearing man when you take no action to end this injustice? How do you think God would look upon your inaction in this case? These men did nothing but follow the law and try to protect Americans, now they are going to prison for it. I am so angry at you personally, no liberal could EVER match my disgust. I feel betrayed as I have never felt betrayed by a politician before. I have been a stupid dupe, but my naivety ends here. I now see your true stripes and will vote my disgust at YOU and YOUR PARTY every chance I get. Not that the Democrats are a much better choice, but at least I expect them to be traitors so I am not angered as much by it. You, on the other hand, I expected to be loyal to America and the sworn officers serving in your Injustice department. What is wrong with you? This should never have happened in America. Thank you for giving amnesty to a Mexican DRUG SMUGGLER and illegal invader. Thanks for pardoning all of those other criminals that you let off easy. Man, I used to think that Bill Clinton was evil and a crook, but he’s got nothing on YOU. I’m sick with anger and disgust. I hope every border patrol agent quits tonight and we let the Mexicans invade. May God have mercy on your soul. The children of these men are the ones who will pay the most. I wonder if the drug smuggler who was rightfully shot in the butt (should have been shot in the head and this wouldn’t be an issue) will be spending Easter with his family? David Eisenbeisz American Citizen and supporter of the Border Patrol, Ignacio Ramos, and Jose Campean P.S. Tony Snow needs to GO. His condescending and self-righteous attitude toward these two fine officers is sickening and you will be the one to pay the price for his arrogance. You will become the most hated president ever; even more vilified than Lyndon Johnson or Richard Nixon. Iraq won’t be your Viet Nam, Jose Campean and Ignacio Ramos will be.

Read all about it My favorite place in the western world--San Diego--apparently has no problems with gangs, rapists, child rapists, rapists, unregistered sex offenders, drunk drivers, murders and murderers, or any of the other myriad of serious violent criminals who actually impact the lives of innocent human beings. We should all move there, TODAY! How do I arrive at this conclusion? From the very telling information we're given in this article:

...Undercover officers witnessed sex acts being performed in the VIP rooms at the club. The source said the officers were also able to solicit sex for money from some of the dancers.

The VIP rooms happen to be inside a strip club in an industrial area of San Diego. So, now that all gangs, child rapists, rapists, murderers et al have been contained and the population is safe, the city of San Diego can spare the resources to send undercover officers into strip clubs where consenting adults might be engaging in sexual activity. This makes no fucking sense to me; what kind of prudes must our society be if we give a rats ass about what happens between consenting adults in a strip club. It's not as if your 10 year old boy is going to wander in there by accident and be molested. It's just ridiculous; pot smokers and blow job recipients are apparently more of a threat to you than anything else. Either that, or some "undercover officers" really need a job.

Thanks to my Pop for this one... this is a great story. Post this photograph over your daughter's computer. Tell her, "When you're chatting with blondsurferboy222 THIS is what he really looks like." Who is this freak-o-trainwreck? This is a man who was communicating with a 14 year-old girl on the internet. He convinced her to go with him to South Dakota, and probably had sexual intercourse with her. Think she knew the guy looked like this? Most of their communications were via text messages after her parents curtailed her internet access. I think every girl in the country should be subjected to this photograph at least 5 hours a day; just a 'quick' reminder of the type of creep who scams on girls on the internet; a real cute blond surfer boy sure as hell doesn't need to mess around with 14 year olds a thousand miles away. Only guys who look like THIS need to do that.

 

Militant feminsts and other miscellaneous birkenstock owners are always good for a fabulous Whackadoo Quote of the day. Our latest? Some grass-eating, mustached, guaze-skirted representative from a "women's rights group" Equality Now (gag me with a 5 pronged pitchfork) said this about my favorite place to watch everyone else eat chicken wings:

The most concerning part of a restaurant like Hooters is it’s been normalized — you even see sometimes families go in ... and this is a place where a woman’s body is really the object of the restaurant.

That's right. Taina Bien-Aime (somehow I don't think that's a hyphenated after marriage name; my guess is there isn't a guy with half a sac left in NYC who could date this chick for 5 minutes, never mind marry her) thinks that the Hooters restaurant chain is "concerning." Oh dear! Families eat there? Whoa there nellie! You mean a kid might see a woman with big boobies in a tee shirt? Dollars to vegan doughnuts MS. Bien-Aime doesn't go to the beach. Or to the movies. Or shopping. Dear god, on a recent trip to that fabulous US shopping mecca, South Coast Plaza, I saw at least 1,000 women dressed more obscenely than Hooter girls. And there was no shortage of 12 year-old boys to oogle them, either. And just because we can't see MS. Bien-Aime's form behind her 12 pounds of very loose gauze couture, that doesn't mean that the rest of us gals don't want our bodies be admired. What a concept! Feminists have castigated women for decades for hating our bodies, now we're supposed to be ashamed of them? Hide them? Not "let" them be the "object" of a restaurant? Now, wouldn't you rather get your grub from a hot chick than a fat slob with a hairy wart? I sure would. Just let me know where MS. Bien-Aime eats when dining in NYC...me thinks I wouldn't want to go there and be served by a woman with more piercings than a peg board, more tatoos than skin, and dreadlocks so glued together by filth only a clean shave will fix it. Noooo thank you. Gimme Hooter girl boobs any day.

Read all about it Wow; where to start. A museum in Toledo, Ohio was trying to lend a painting by Goya to the Guggenheim Museum in New York City. It seems to me a sophisticated transport plan would have been in order, but instead they just hired two goofs with a Uhaul to transport the priceless piece. The goofs were spending the night in a Howard Johnson motel and parked the truck in an unlighted, unguarded lot locked with a padlock they got on sale from WalMart (I'm just sayin'). I had heard the Goya was stolen, but I didn't realize the Keystone Cops were transporting the painting. I imagined some elaborate Brinks heist with thieves in black masks rappelling down the side of the armored vehicle and surprising the transporters despite their highly alert efforts. But alas, the thieves needed no such elaborate plan; only a pair of bolt cutters (from WalMart) to pop the cargo latch and sneak off with something they later found to be un-hawkable. I almost feel sorry for those guys... they should ask the Keystone Cops to be reimbursed for their troubles.

So got some more beayoooteeful spam email subjects:

WELL.....
an acclivity
out of faintest need be damned afraid he has handed him,
by discriminate a sequestration;
Earl
Jose
Maryann
quality and refinement for men and ladies
moss-covered one-winged
Feel strong

Maya Angelou, eat your heart out (with "pill to make impotence never again", of course).

Go Stop Junk Mail Who knew there was a way to stop junk mail just like you can stop telemarketing? With the equivilent of a do-not-call list, you can stop direct mail by registering on this site. With an estimated 4 million tons of junk mail thrown away without even being read, this one is a no-brainer--and thank goodness; for people who live in Florida who have no brains, they can still stop this immense waste.

It has happened. Two United States Border Patrol Agents doing their jobs will spend 11 & 12 years in prison each for defending your nation against illegal aliens and drug traffickers. The drug trafficker will get $5,000,000 of your tax dollars in a lawsuit he has filed, and which has now been completely validated with the persecution and prosecution and conviction of these agents. And, according to George the Liar Bush ("fight against terror" my ass; you want our borders open and you have just intimidated every single US Border Patrol agent into letting anyone and anything cross our borders), Alberto the Pig Fucker Gonzales ("Attorney General" is right, you generally think like an attorney which is what's in it for me justice-be-damned), and Debra the CUNT Kanof ("Chief of Major Crimes" who lets illegal alien drug traffickers testify against US Border Patrol Agents, and let's the MAJOR CRIMINAL--the trafficker--completely off the hook), according to all these cocksuckers, your nation is safe now that this man is going to prison and his three children will be fatherless for 11 years. Agent Ramos and his wife:

This is a picture of the results of decades of communist rule... a society that cannot even afford nor has the infrastructure still in place to turn on the lights. When human beings are constricted, their creativity not only -not- rewarded but punished (you cannot allow free thinkers in such a society), their incentives to do good things for themselves and not for the 'great society'--as human evolution has created us as selfish creatures as the mechanism by which we ensure our families and therefore our DNA survive--are quashed, when such a society exists, well, here's what you get... Satellite photo of North Korea at night:

A country where people are starving to death in the dark. Let's hear it for communisim! Special thanks to bcr for passing this gem along...

For those of you who doubt the traffic this site receives based on comments...I'll tell you whut! I get lots of uncommented traffic (MADDOX! I KNOW YOU'RE READING!!!!:). And spammers have found michela@mediawatchblog.com from my posts, and I get all kinds of spam there. As I was scanning the subject lines, it occurred to me it was quite poetic. I took the subject lines of 22 emails, exactly as they were received (caps errors and all), and just give this masterpiece a read!

Work from home
Feel Strong
Nice Job!
Volume boomed in day, sit it triple friday
then
check out volume
it is...
prudent evident
ab~see you bastard
documents disclaimer
Chavez kept in her criticism
i can
outofdate innovate
Now. How do pasta
Expand?
Serious message You Require Read
Language the web pages
UWIN
SHOW
Bush of having spoken
before buy, You
puzzle like other. travel
And then...
Their wired lives wears

My hand to God, reading from email #1 to email #22, this is what they said. Isn't it beautiful?

Read all about it It's really nice to know that an engineering effort such as the creation of an airplane by an airplane company with lots of experience in this field (Airbus) are as behind schedule as any software project on this planet might be. Computer scientists get a lot of flak for not being able to zero in more accurately on the estimate of engineering efforts required as well as other engineering disciplines do, but apparently, rocket scientists have the same problem.

Read all about it The intolerance of the left is just the theme of the week! Jim Gilchrist, founder of the Minuteman project which sought to stem the tide of illegal aliens into the United States from Mexico (JUST AS MEXICO DOES WITH ILLEGAL ALIEN GUATEMALANS ON THE SOUTHERN BORDER OF MEXICO) by instituting a volunteer 'guard' network along the border, was phycially assaulted while trying to give a peaceful speech at Columbia University. Apparently the part of the brain that gets you into Columbia isn't the same part that can reason that people should not be physically assaulted for having a different view of Planet Earth than you have. That, my friends, is the same mentality of homicidal religious extremists as they blow up children. The Columbia U students and Katie the Bitch Couric can be proud they're in the same company as homicidal maniacs.

This is just plain funny stuff, I tell you whut! Thanks to MWB-er Frenchie for these gems: 1. 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent representing a celebrity. www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company... www.powergenitalia.com 6. And we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. www.cummingfirst.com 8. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com 9. Then there are those crazy art designers and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com

Relishing in the glow of a fantabulous SHUT OUT of the Raiders by my San Diego Chargers on Monday Night Football in Oakland, I was wondering what those creatures were in the stands of the stadium. I did some searching today, and I figured out what they were even though they have tried very hard to hide their true, non-human origns...they are Ferengi! The teeth...the scowls...the broken English...it all fits!

Read all about it MWB's Michela got so excited to have her picture taken with her heroine, Sara A. Carter of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin, she forgot to do some more due diligence. Thanks Maddox Man for pointing that out. This is the link to a complete versoin of Sara Carter's article, the one that triggered the outrage that just might save two American Heroes from losing the rest of their lives to a prison sentions...seeing their SIX children fatherless...all for shooting an illegal alien drug dealer carrying ~750 pounds of pot...all while doing their level best as Border Patrol Agents along a very hostile border.

Read all about it In the last few weeks, I've been begging my friends to sign an online petition (at Grassfire.org), and to call the White House (at 202-456-1111) and to fax the White House (202-456-2461) to help two border patrol agents who were prosecuted for shooting an illegal alien drug dealer in the butt. These pleas are to help obtain a presidential pardon from George W. Bush, as these two heroes--defenders of the borders of our great Nation, the fathers of three children each who will be left fatherless--face up to 20 years in prison for this shooting. They were, by and large, convicted of ridiculous paperwork offenses. In my emails, I noted that CHILD RAPISTS get less time in prison than these heroes will get for shooting an illegal alien drug dealer in the butt. This news story is the proof; proof that this nation is near death. No Great Nation can survive if it persecutes the innocents and defends the guilty. In this article, you will see a judge defended the rights of a child molester who abused a small girl for several years. He defended this monster's right to treatment. Who is defending the rights of the innocent child? When our own so-called "Homeland Security" agency can trample the rights of American Heroes protecting and defending the borders of our country as called for in our original Constitution, who is safe? If these heroes, Jose Compean and Ignacio Ramos, can be persecuted for a constitionally justified action, we should all be afraid. The illegal alien drug dealer was protected, given immunity, medical treatment. The American Heroes face twenty years without their children, their wives. The child rapist in this article got two months. SIXTY DAYS for RAPING A 6 YEAR OLD CHILD. This, I believe, signifies the death of the United States of America. A death not wrought by terrorists or global warming or comets, but by an indefensible mockery of Truth, Justice, and the original American Way.

Read all about it Google has so much cash laying around, the SEC might need to regulate it as a mutual fund. You know I had the same problem myself, then I married and divorced a bloodsucking creature that anthropologists had previously failed to classify. I no longer have that problem.

Read all about it A mother of two small children in Florida had bats flying around her apartment, which is bizarre enough in itself. Bats? Have YOU ever had multiple BATS flying around your house? This mother of the year refuses rabies vaccinations for the children. Several years ago, a guy out in the middle of Nowheresville corralled a single bat in a bag to get it out of his shed, and later died an agonzing rabid death. He had been very slightly scratched by the bat and didn't realize it. So say again why you'd refuse vaccinations when you had several bats flying around your Florida apartment...we SoCali folks are confused. (Confusion clears as readers note this all takes place in Florida...)

Read all about it So what if a governor referred to a massively fubar-ed endeavor such as Boston's Big Dig as a Tar Baby. Why are people offended? Why are people offended at the slightest verbal faux pas, then demanding of apologies and retractions and media statements and resignations and reparations and and and! When the Los Angeles Unified School District Superintendent compared the LA mayor's assertion that the district is poorly performing to propaganda about the Japanese during WWII, that was another unnecessary furor (totally intended). Get over yourselves people. Whether you're Jap, Wop, Chink, Nigger, Slant-eyed scoundrel, or a tar baby, you are not so almighty important that the mere utterance of the slur means you have been mortally wounded and retribution is mandatory. Fuh thuh luvah Gawd, just laugh at the errant stupidity, remember the last time you suffered from foot in mouth disease, and then get down off your goddamn high horse before you break your legs!

Thanks Frenchie--MWB's own Cheese Eating White Flag Surrender Frog. Michela has been quite uninspired to post anything meaningful and this is sorta funny.

Read all about it An AbFab Wiki How-To on how to cool yourself without air conditioning. With the prehistoric mental cases in the Middle East striking up another useless conflict, just to strike up another useless conflict, you may want to do all you can to keep from giving those assholes another dime. Since you can't walk to work, probably, you can save on some A/C usage... not sure if this will directly help, but it can't hurt your energy bills either. Sorry for the long absence peeps, but after a sin-filled week in Vegas, I'm a little slow to post. Good weekend all!

The idea of the "Sisterhood" is a concept PC feminists push around like Quaaludes and means, in theory, that women stick together...that women support each other in this world of oppressive men, and we've got each other's backs. To this humble observer, it's correct only because we sink our claws one inch deep in each other's backs any chance we get. Then yeah, we've got each others backs, all the way to the first aid station to disinfect the deep gouges! Last week, me, Mizz Michela, had a nice run-in with some middle-aged haggie types during an otherwise uneventful but annoying fire drill. You know the types...their lips are so pursed they could carry a kitten in their mouths without using their teeth. Their haggish expressions are so frozen in, it looks like they've been doing just that for all 50+ years of their lives. Loocy, whut happun?! you ask? The hag that started it all is that ever-so-important hall monitor with that badge of honor--the hall monitor sash--who is supposed to make sure all others are out before they escape the "fire" themselves. Me, Mizz Michela, has had some medical treatments in the last month or so that render my skin completely intolerable of the sun. In fact, a few days after each treatment I must not be in the sun at all; not even to sit near a window indoors. After that first few days, I'm not supposed to be in the sun at all during the high noon hours, 11:00 to 15:00. This fire drill was at 10:30 or so. So Michela was, in fact, not happy about having to walk outside, to stand in the middle of a sunny parking lot while the hall monitors take their roll calls and report all have "escaped." And I was trying to make sure I left at the last possible minute to minimize the time standing out in the sun, and to give my sunscreen a few more minutes to sink in. Haggie hall monitor did not like my dilly dallying. So she says she'd "burn up" looking for me, if it was a real fire, to which I responded something like, well, don't do that! Save yourself! Plus, I noted the stairwell had a long line as the entire building of exited at the same time. Sho' 'nuff, when I re-joined the mass exodus, there was still a line and a delay in the stairwell. Well, from that 20 second exchange, haggola went to her manager, and her manager felt that t was soooo serious, she must complain to the CIO of the division. Some sistahood, hags! Some sistahood you got goin' there! You want to wreck my career because I'm not happy about a fire drill? I didn't call your haggie hall monitor a bitch, or a whore, or a cee u next tuesday. Did it cross your mind there might be a reason I'm not in a rush to escape a building that is not even on fire? They sure as hell did not bother to ask before sinking the claws... See, I know the manager who went to the CIO well. I have worked well with her for 2 1/2 years. I even cut my hair a little shorter based on her suggestion, and I later told her so. For you guys not in the know, that is about the highest form of flattery a woman can get; that another woman followed your hair recommendation. End of story, that's a huge compliment. What do I get for that, for my friendliness and congeniality? CLAWS! SCRRRAAATCH all the way down my lily white back. The secondary hag could have come to me to ask why I gave her hall monitor hag some "trouble" (if you could possibly call that exchange "trouble") leaving during the drill. I could have explained to her my medical woes, and my guess is she would have been quite sympathetic. But noooooooo...it's more fun to attempt to wreck my life and stab me in the back. This hag and I later came face to face in an aisle way in which she verbally accosted me and accused me of not saying hello. Does it get any more petty than that? It was like looking at my mother coming in late from curfew... "What did you say?" she screamed at me in front of dozens of people. Um, I said the idea of the sistahood is bullshit, baby! And that's the moral of this story...next time women complain about THE MAN, remind them, oh no, we have much more to fear in our careers from THE PETTY WOMAN...middle-aged, purse-lipped, angry, women. When I've had work issues with men, it's been legitimately business-releated. Not this idiotic, petty bullshit that women seem to insist on turning into WWIII sized causes. So to the idea of a sisterhood, I say, save yourselves sistah! Both from the fire (that isn't there) and from the Sistahs! They're both quite deadly, I assure you...

Thanks to iGanja for this informative report...if you are an avid reader of this blog (and we know you are!), you read my issue about the state of health care in this country. (Click ->here<- to re-read.) MWB also thinks that care is at a critical point in this country, but for all you US citizens who are seeking treatment in the ER but finding long waits (especially in SoCali), iGanja has the solution. Simply attach this badge to your shirt when you go into the ER. Watch as the throngs in line in front of you suddenly recover from their emergency illnesses!

Read all about it I've always told non-San Diegans they don't--and couldn't--understand how special a place that county is. When our football team went to the Super Bowl for the first time, you could drive down this street near the beach called Newport Avenue and see gang bangers, hippies, jocks, and hot chicks in their cars and walking along the street, high-fiving each other. They were not tipping over trash cans and breaking windows. When the team promptly lost by more points than any other super bowl in history, we didn't care. We didn't boo. We gave those guys a heroes welcome home. After all, they were our first to get to the big game. When our baseball team went to the World Series for only the second time, and were promptly swept by the Yankees in four, the final game was in San Diego. The fans stayed for over 2 hours waiving their white towels and cheering their losing team as though they'd just won. A national TV sportscaster said, "I've been to a lot of championship games, and I've never seen anything like this for the losing team, home or not!" Now you gotta read this story and think, shit, San Diego really is a special place. It's a huge city, with a lot of people from all over the country (who wouldnt' want to live in SoCali after all). But it's still very much like a small town; unpretentious and giving. So when you see Michela's eye get that gleam, and those three little words, "Ah, San Diego" start coming out, you'll know why. And as a newly anointed baseball fan, I can truly say, Go Padres!

An MWB affiliate has provided Mistress Michela the transcript of an eConversation which took place between him and a new "friend" on the famous MySpace.com website which, by Michela's estimation, is almost the biggest time-waster on earth; it's second only to government forms which must be filled out in quadruplicate and signed by the blind 75 year-old DMV employee with the title DMV Line Supervisor II-A. Note: In case you don't guess, names changed to protect the MWB liability.:)

Joe: hello Jane: hi Joe: hows it going hata' Jane: ,lol Jane: hata? Joe: Jane: youre corny Joe: see, there you going hating Jane: haha well theres so much to hate Jane: Joe: lots of things to choose from Jane: there is Joe: :-( Jane: please Jane: blah Jane: eMne Joe: hm? Jane: men Joe: women aren't much better honey Jane: we're all so fucked Joe: true that's why you should be misinthropic like me Joe: and hate everyone Jane: i do Jane: im too cynical Joe: welcome to my world Joe: it gets worse Joe: my cynism has only matured with age like a fine wine Jane: ive always been this way Joe: so have I Joe: except now i am more so Joe: i've got like 6 years of cynism on you i believe Joe: how old are you Jane: how old do you think Joe: somewhere between 14 and 50 Joe: am i right? Joe: i'm psychic Jane: yeah Jane: youre good Jane: ;p Joe: i could tell by your sign Jane: my sign? Joe: i'm just being a jackass Joe: how old are you really Jane: 20, almost 21 Joe: congratz Jane: yeah great Joe: your a regular ball of sunshine Joe: Jane: i never realized how hard it was to find someone to just talk to and connect with, it feels near impossible Jane: you're Jane: dumbass Jane: im surrounded by morons Jane: *sigh* Joe: haha Joe: aren't we all Jane: right Joe: people suck Joe: i've always thought Joe: that if a more advanced life Jane: can a relationship be too intense? Jane: is there such thing? Joe: came here....and tried to take over, i'd help thme out Jane: does it make sense? Joe: it makes sense Joe: i don't think so Joe: except it can blind you to the problems Joe: that are underlying Jane: can you still love someone if its too intense Jane: but let it go? Joe: yep Joe: just don't see the person Joe: it fades with time Jane: i felt so weak when i was with him Jane: yeah well he lives far Joe: trick is not to see the person Joe: or communicate Jane: i havent spoken to him in 3 weeks Jane: almost 3 Joe: its a start Jane: yeah Jane: its hard Jane: very hard Joe: i know Joe: gotta keep doing it Jane: i cry every night Joe: gets easier with time Jane: its horrible Jane: ive never loved anyone like i love him Joe: can't help you with that, i cry about once every year and a half Jane: and the worst part he makes me feel like he feels nothing Joe: yah...but you'll say that about the next one Jane: no Joe: yes...you don't know what you don't know Jane: ivedated a lot Joe: your 20 Jane: yeah i know though Joe: i've felt the same way before Jane: i might not marry him Jane: but i know we have /had something special....rare Joe: nah Jane: he just blows my mind Joe: its cuz of your age Jane: im mature for my age Jane: im not like most 20 year olds Jane: i feel Joe: its not about maturity Joe: its about experiences Jane: ive had a lot of experiences Jane: ive dated since i was 14 Joe: damn woman Jane: ive gone thru a lot of hurt Joe: well Jane: haha Joe: there will be a lot more Jane: i guess Joe: guarantee Jane: youre not very good at this thing called a converstation Jane: you just keep putting my emotions down saying im young Joe: well, your very good at insulting Jane: nobody wants to fucking hear that douchebag Joe: douchebag? wtf! Jane: you cant even tell the difference between your and youre Jane: and youre a law major Jane: youre a fucking joke Joe: i'm trying to help you out Jane: fuck off Joe: wtf Joe: alright, be a fucking cunt Jane: cunt? Jane: block Joe: i can see why the guy doesn't like you Jane signed off at 10:24:53 PM.

Click here to see all about it WTF is all I could muster for this one. A hawkeyed MWB affiliate in San Diego passed this one to Marla, and demanded that Michela blog about it. But what can I say! WHAT! It really speaks for itself. I think. PS: Must have sound to appreciate

Read all about it ...I'm not surprised that there are other grass eaters who want to save lobsters, the edible crustaceous equivalent of the cockroach. This neighbor would find cockroaches in her condominium, put them ina shoe box, and take them oustide and set them free. Then sit down to a nice broiled chicken dinner. I didn't get it then, I don't get it now. A biology teacher I had held up a dried pea in class and advised us it was on the high-end size of a lobster's brain. Whatever sympathies I held for those little guys went into the lobster pot that very day. Lobsters are primitive creatures, barely more sentient than a flea (if at all), and they taste reeeeallly good. Why Whole Foods would have a problem with the lobster tanks and still serve a host of other slaughtered critters much more deserving of our sympathy than the boiled Red Cockroach is beyond me. Waaay. Thanks to Hawk-eyed Marla-bee, ever watchful of the efforts to shrink our food choices through misguided efforts, even though she wouldn't touch a lobster or a plate of foie gras to save her hot-bodied life!

Read all about it KFC is being sued because the fat used in their cooking processes isn't "healthy." MWB has got another unhealthy thing for you; being such an idiot you would eat at KFC and then guffaw over the fact that it is not healthy. Any idiot that big is too dumb to live.

Read all about it This article describes the push to ban foie gras (as the article notes, French for "fat liver"). The ducks are fed through tubes in large quantities so that their livers enlarge. MWB is opposed to this practice. All the way. But we're opposed to 99.9% of the practices utilized in the animals-as-food production industry, and like one of the interviewees in this story notes, where does it end? I'd like people to stop kosher methods of food slaughter, fur coats, caged chickens, and god only knows what else that goes on behind the closed doors of said food production. But an MWB opinion does not earn our right to mandate that opinion via legislation. Fuh thuh luv 'a gawd, if our opinion translated into reality, here's a sample of how the world would look: - Japanese cars would not be allowed in the left lane (super-cool Infinity SUVs allowed)
- Marijuana use and abuse would be legal, mandatory, even, for the most annoying US Citizens (should we start with Ann Coulter or Hillbilly Clinton?)
- Fat people would not be allowed to buy low-rise jeans
- Writing checks at the grocery store would be a death penalty offense
Any single group, entity, think tank, whatever, shouldn't be able to legislate our lives because god knows what would happen. Now I realize the world changes described by MWB are quite enticing, but some might find them a bit extreme, just as it is extreme to legislate a single food item because a handful of activists don't like the method. Whether it's by suing the hell out of McDonald's for "making" people fat (as though that company had a tube down the fattie's necks like the ducks) or by illegalizing foie gras, the imposition of left-wing or right-wing beliefs is a dangerous, moss-covered slope and we're screamin' down it more all the time.

Read all about it Thanks to Marla for these hillarious hijax...there are just so many ways to mock Floridians when they get a bit mischievous. This story is about two wacky Florida college kids who crawl into a giant balloon filled with helium, and promptly die. MWB will bet a million bucks there was no warning label on the killer balloon, but we suspect they were already too stoned (or stupid) to have understood such a warning label. Regardless, there were certainly a few signs these double-digit IQ drips missed, warning label or not. Hint #1 The balloon was really, really big, and yet it still managed to float mysteriously off the ground by several feet. Note to selves: big balloons that float off the ground are probably not filled with oxygen. Hint #2 Presuming the double digit drips cued in on Hint #1 in the slightest way, then they noticed the really big balloon wasn't filled with oxygen. Note to selves: humans breathe oxygen, not helium. Therefore, being completely surrounded by a gas that is not oxygen, and having no access to said oxygen to breathe, well, that just might be a recipe for your death. Hint #3 If you want to attend college in Florida, you're ill-equipped to be judging how much helium you can inhale and survive, so just skip it altogether. Not even the little bitty balloons tied to the happy birthday cards, k?

Read all about Joe Thanks to Maddox Man for this one...hawk-eyed MWB-er Michela spotted this fab frase in Maddox's email signature.

"The person who cannot find time for exercise must find time for illness." - Joe Loprinzi

As it turns out, Joe Loprinzi is quite a character. He has been a weightlifter since the 1930's, started one of the first weight-lifting classes for women, and a "jogging" club which was first mocked in the 1960's. Michela has a real problem with the word jogging...it sounds like an activity those chicks who lean heavily on their arms on the treadmill while they read cosmo, and burn 50 calories in a 50 minute workout. But this is the 1960's and it was revolutionary. Go Joe!

Read all about it In 1970, Paul Ehrlich told Life magazine:

Population will inevitably and completely outstrip whatever small increases in food supplies we make...The death rate will increase until at least 100-200 million people per year will be starving to death during the next ten years.

I'm no math wiz, but it's been 26 years since the mass starve-off should have begun, and we're all fatter than ever. The UN, WHO, and other nanny-state bureaucracies are calling obesity the world's next epidemic. Huh?? But fear not my independent-minded friends, just like little Carol Ann says in Poltergeist, theeeeyyyy'rrreee baa-aaaack! We're all in imminent danger of starving to death again. Right along with the dire predictions of global warming, nobody goes back and calls the leftist freakshows on their predictions--predictions SOO far off as to be laughable by any estimation. These whackos are clearly no different than the schizoid end-of-the-world Christians, who, by the way, leftists just love to mock. Thou doth protest too much never rang so true. So doubt me all you want about starvation; we're pouring more food down the drains and getting fatter by the day anyway. And global warming just might free up Greenland to farm on again, just like we did 1,000 years ago, further expanding our food production capabilities. You're kidding yourselves, leftist frikiwikis if you think any but the most FUBAR nations will go hungry in this lifetime. And let's face it, how many "Feed the Worlds" later do you need to see that some people are beyond saving--or salvation.

Click here to see all about it MWB rarely posts about just a website, there are 50 trillion of them so commenting on one or two seems a bit futile. But this is a site after Marla and Michela's own hearts! Meet DisgruntledHousewife.com... it's a blog, but has lots of content and very funny commentary. Here's a sample from the editorial about Downey fabric softener (click here to --> read in its entirety):

I've gotten a few angry letters about how someone's Downy Ball released too early and ruined their clothes and it's all my fault. If you're a spaz and don't think you can operate the Downy ball properly, or if your clothes are particularly dainty, don't use it. Either way, it's not my fault, so leave me alone and bitch at Procter & Gamble. Now that I have fancy new washing machine, I don't need to truck with you plebes without built-in fabric softener dispensers, so I can't relate to your (allegedly) faulty Downy Ball plight.

Either Marla or Michela could have written that one, and so don't we just love it!

Read all about it William Hung, the guy whose American Idol audition--performing a rendition of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" (a laughable song title from gayboy Ricky...unless the "She" is a "He" in the "She" position) was famously re-played, discussed, mocked, and cheered. Two years later he is still getting mileage outta that freakish display...he's just been crowned the Artichoke King in Castroville (you read that right), California. Now, everyone, there's a joke in THAT one for SURE. Let's have 'em!

Read all about it Holy crap. Right on the heels of hearing that Iran is preparing to identify and almost certainly slaughter its Jewish inhabitants, I find this article. The pussy EU says, in its best baby voice: "Oh, big bad United States, we haff to make Iwan happwee. Pweeze sell them some of yor nice bwig pwanes. We need to make Iran happwee and placate them and kiss their big bad boootsies, so pweeze purty pweeze?" Are you fucking kidding me? Do those EU whackadoos run around with daisies more pink thank Fernando's collar shoved way up their bootays all day or just on Tuesdays?

Read all about it "Never Again" really means "Never again, unless we decide it's okay." From the slaughter in the Sudan that the UN claims is not genocide, to the proclamation described in this article that all non-Muslims must identify themselves by cloth strips on their clothing in Iran, the UN does absolutely NOTHING. And the liberal US media has said absolutely NOTHING about this. With the holocaust just one generation behind us, this blind eye is unconscionable, but not surprising. The liberal media and its cohorts would love nothing more than to pretend the only evile villian on this planet is American. This should be the front page news on Fox, CNN, MSNBC, Reuters. NOTHING! Now the world can just sit back and wait for the President of Iran to start murdering the 25,000 Jews who inhabit Iran. And certainly that won't be genocide, as the UN will decide it is not. Liberal Jews who have made hatred of the US and the Western World their mission will stand by and contribute to this slaughter by saying nothing and doing even less. God forbid those Hollywood and media liberals critique people "of color"--even if their life's mission is to slaughter your brethren.

Read all about it ...who gives a rats patootie what Susan Sarandan, a Follywood movie star, thinks about who's running for president? Not I said the green mouse! But there she goes, telling a British TV station that she is not "enthused" about a Hillbilly Clinton presidential run. Like I said Sooz, get in line; there are about 200 million people who agree.

Read all about it This is an issue close to Michela's heart. Having adopted nearly every dog I've ever had from a local shelter, and been rewarded in spades with a happy, healthy, wonderful puppy dog, it sickens me to think of people who propagate the pure-bred dog industry. The results are discussed in this article, and they're disgusting. Puppies are taped to speaker boxes, strapped to the underneath of car seats, crammed into boxes, and smuggled across the US/Mexican border in hot cars. They're bred in horrific conditions, and shipped across the country by heartless, ignorant buyers on the internet. How can anyone with a conscience buy a dog? The likelihood of the source being some idiot who bred animals in family lines that are too close is big enough; you're still going to get birth defects. That's nearly your best-case scenario. In the worst-case, your new dog comes from a puppy farm, or a Mexican street breeder, and had a brief life that would pass for a horror movie, like the article says, if only the poor doggies could talk. So when you get a dog, and you end up with large vet bills and a broken heart, you got what you deserved. Too bad the doggie got what he got, and deserved nothing of the sort.

Read all about it Michela of MWB is no death penalty supporter; you could even say that she is opposed enough to be labeled an anti-death penalty "activist." We try to reserve that title for shrill idiots such as Mike Farrell, a winner of the elusive MWB Movie Star P-Fer award. However, my reasons are quite different from the average Farrell-style fools. I just happen to believe that the system is set up to be corrupt enough to send people to the death penalty when completely innocent (The Hurricane was a movie and a true story; and in the South, not uncommon enough). I also think the media parades which mobilize around these murdering idiots give them attention and sympathy they absolutely do not deserve. I find it a much better punishment to let these brutal killers die in oblivion. Would any sucker have bought a Tookie book if he were just another anonymous lifer? But here's a story, brought to us by www.PardonMyEnglish.com, which shows us that one of the most brutal killers of our time, the BTK killer, has all sorts of priveleges you and I would not have on a daily basis; lounging around in his cell, drawing, reading, watching TV. That's a life me, Michela, wouldn't mind on an average week. When you see such an injustice, it makes you think, hmm, maybe we should be offing these rats--preferably very slowly on a giant sticky rat trap with poisoned cheese within arms reach. The man was just convicted of torture and murder and within the year he's got a TV in his cell? It makes my anti-death penalty stance hard to stand by, and it's an outrage.

One of the hottest chicks ever to live, babewatch alum Yasmin Bleeth, has had a couple of drug and alcohol-induced police enounters. Instead of the laughable anti-drug campaign which showed an egg in a frying with the ominus voice saying: "This is your brain." Then: "This is your brain on drugs." They could have cut all drug use in half, at least, with: "This is Yasmin..."

And: "This is Yasmin on drugs..."

Before you email me, yes I know this is old news (2002-2003) but I couldn't resist commentary on Yasmin's DUI (coke and alcohol) arrest mug, which I just saw.

MWB isn't a supporter of this war. But this is an interesting analysis (thanks Frenchie): There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq in January. In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war-torn country of Iraq. When some claim that President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following: a. FDR led us into World War II. b. Germany never attacked us. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost; an average of 112,500 per year. c. Truman finished that war and started one in Korea. North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost; an average of 18,334 a year. d. John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us. e. Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From '65-'75, 58,000 lives were lost; an average of 5,800 a year. f. Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent. Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions. g. In the years since terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran, and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. h. It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation. i. We've been looking for evidence for chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. j. It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick k. It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida.

Read all about it I just can't believe a person could think this way in the 3rd millenium. In the 10,000th years of human beings walking the earth, some of these "people" are barely out of Neanderthaland and still just want to pillage and murder other human beings. Another gold star to the fucking religion of peace!

Read all about it Once again, Frenchie edifies MWB by bringing us the news that OJ Simpson is tracking down the "real killer", Osama. Or maybe it's the Democrats...they're gonna find him for sure, since all the military minds on the task today are obviously inferior to the Afghanistani cave sleuths in the Democratic party. MWB personally feels much safer. Thanks for the news, Frenchie. No more diving for the white flags in the gym, k?

Read all about it That's right Frenchie; next time you get so ticked off at your wife you feel like you've got steam coming out of your ears, maybe it's because you DO! You've gone and set yo bad self on fire to teach her a lesson! Now, I wonder if one could get someone to skip the 3rd degree burn ward, and just have them to swallow cyanide. Not that I have anyone in mind that would want to spite me...but if there was such a person, I'd like a cleaner, more effective self-whacking method.

Read all about it Read all about it Thease are two very depressing stories which show what some "people" (by scientific, physical classification only) are capabale of. Fortunately the endings are happy... In story #1, two banjo playing inbred parents from god knows what part of the Appalachians order their three year old daughter to beat up a five year old boy they are babysitting. You read that right; they order a 3 year-old girl to beat a 5 year-old boy (as he pleads for mercy, mind you). Then, the sperm donor of the girl shoves the poor little boy and asks him why he didn't defend himself. WTF?! But the best part? They videotaped the whole ordeal, the boy's mother found the video, and both of these inbreds will be properly prosecuted. In story #2, a man jumps off a bridge into frigid waters with his baby to kill himself and the child, presumably to get back at the child's mother for some unknown reason. But hoorah, the "man" (again, by scientific physcial classification only; no real man would ever do this) dies and the baby lives. If there's a hell, this guy is dangling from the end of a red-hot pitchfork right now, by my estimate.

Read all about it Thanks again Frenchie...who knew there were people out there experimenting with mail ripping. But thank god they are, otherwise, we'd have no idea how easy it is to paste one inch squares back together. We didn't figure that out in kindergarten you know.

Read all about it Brettsky has illuminated MWB to the fact that he is now liberated in my family's home country, he's now practically an Irish paisan...Not only can Brettsky and his people wander the streets of Dublin with chainmail t-shirts, but he can also now carry a sword. Further, he can defend himself against Muslim attackers, and repair the exterior of his synagogue. With such oppression of his people by my people hanging heavily over his head since 1181, I don't know how he and I ever became such good friends.

Read all about it Thanks again Frenchie; we didn't know we could use the Ambien excuse for our late night eating, and maybe all the other six deadly sins. But with this one in our back pocket, what happens in Vegas can happen anywhere. The only prudent thing to do is to make sure your parter in seven sins is equally obliterated. Then, the sins die with the Ambien hangover. Vegas babaaaay!

Read all about it Just the other day we were talking about the American billionaire. Here's the list of the top 10 billionaires. Well, interestingly but not surprisingly, our little spot in the world has 3 in the top 10, and we take the top 2 spots. We're only 275 million people to India's billion, China's billion, and a combined population in Western Europe of 730 million. That huge population produces just 2. But even more interestingly, all the American billionaires are self-made. Only 2 others are self-made (a statement I make based on the fact that I don't believe for one second Prince Alaweed from Saudi Arabia is "self-made"...puh-leeeeze). I dunno how people can continue to blast the States when it's clear if you want to succeed, do something really important, you come to or are born in the States (ever heard of Sun Microsystems, Germany?). Otherwise, you better pick a rich royal or elite class set of parents before you're born.

Read all about it Thanks Chad, only a programmer will laugh as hard as I did. Brilliant! My personal fave and an Indian developer's mantra? "Unfactoring from Patterns: Job Security through Unreadability by Joshua Kerievsky" Oh, and this one is pretty good too.... "Dead Fish Can't Swim But They Can Float Down a Waterfall, by Tim Lister"

Read all about it

Strippers will find this tool particularly useful; you can track where all your dollar bills have been before they landed on your girl parts inside your panties. While I -was- just in Seattle, change I got yesterday here in THE OC had just been issued in Roy, Washington. It took 14 days to arrive in THE OC. Why on earth would I want to know? BECAUSE I CAN! I love the internet. The biggest productivity increases (online mapping, research) and time-wasters (tracking where your dollar bills have been, blogging) all in one place. God bless the internet!

Read all about it After all, it's cleaner than where you put your mouth on a typical day (nooOOOO, I'm not talking about THAT you dirty-minded little bastards). We're talking about your office telephone. So next time you see Michela vigorously dousing her phones with alcohol, your snide comments will glide right off her bacteria free ear lobes. Yours, on the other hand, Mr. Fruity, are a teeming pool of disgusting germs and don't even think you'll ever use my phone ever again! And while you're at it, keep your mits off my keyboard, too.

Read all about it Thanks for the, eh-hem, gem, Marla... So you all thought the homosexual references to Judy Garland were just stereotypes, overblown (another eh-hem), and deprecating. Welllll, think again. The cowboy shirts used in Brokeback Mountain are fetching a whoppin' 100 grand at an auction, and the purchaser justifies it with the comment that they are "the ruby slippers of our time." You go on wich yo' bad self boyfriend! So long as you know that wearing the ruby slippers and the cowboy shirt together would be a fashion faux pas from which even fellow flaming fashionista Karl Lagerfeld wouldn't recover in five flaming lifetimes.

...cartoon protesters in 2006? If there were cameras during the witch hunts of 1692, we might have seen an image something like this... except instead of white sheeted heads reminiscent of that tolerant organization, the klu klux klan, we would see the marchers wearing these... Other than the headgear, I see no difference between the unthinking freak show religious zealots and their paranoia over witches and cartoons. Oh, yeah, there is the small matter that the puritan zealots lived a short 300 YEARS ago! Why leftists don't mock them the way they mock Christians just boggles my feeble little mind (you know, the same one who didn't catch the sunset shot of the sailboats...)

Go listen This might be the funniest thing since Learn to Dance like a White Man. And yes, David sent me this. I meant to credit at posting but I forgot. I am at work (that's what they tell me this nice place wehre I surf the net and read emails is).

Go see all about it The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is O-U-T and it is H-O-T, of course. All I wanna know is from where these freak o' nature chicks get these bods. These are real women...those stick figure, cigarrette-fed runway are not real women. They're starved drones. But these SI swimsuit models, aye yay yay. Yaow!

What a beeeyoooteeefulllll day in SoCali. You can thank my dive buddies in San Diego for this fantabulous shot, taken recently on an early morning dive near La Jolla. Without argument, LJ is one of the most beautiful places on this earth with some of the best restaurants I've eaten at on this planet (yes, that's you George's at the Cove and Trattoria Acqua).

Michelle Kwan woke up yesterday and realized she is almost 26 years old, and therefore she rightly left the Olympic figure skating competition to the youth of today. It's just a fact; Olympic caliber figure skating, especially at today's level of technical requirement, is simply too physically challenging for those entering their late 20's; even the guys start to sputter. Don't bother trying to tell me how old the last winner was in the Hawaiian Ironman. This is a completely different sport. Look at gymnastics; you may as well be dead if you're 18. It's just too bad she stole the chance for one of those youths to walk the Olympic opening ceremonies (Emily Hughes), in what will likely be her one and only Olympic games. Oh the irony that it was probably this walk that rendered Kwan unable to compete!

It turns out the controversy over the Muhommad cartoons (it's funny even to write such a statement) was generated by mullahs who passed out literature with over-the-top cartoons which were never even publised in the Danish news! Further, the Danish media is the only media standing up to those mullahs who have lied to stir this controversy, anger, and hatred as a method of brainwashing the muslim masses into homicide bombings. They are openly calling them liars, while the American and other European media outlets are tripping overthemselves to kiss their asses, and say Vichy-France things like "it was inflammatory after all..." It's sickening, truly, that anyone would defend them just because there are billions of Christians in this world and they are not all saints. Duh, man, duh! But they still don't go around blowing people up by the thousands. The Eric Rudolph-types are the tiniest fraction compared to the throngs of violent muslims waiting to line up to kill us all, just for being Westerners. But I digress... During discussions on this breaking news story this morning on KFI AM 640, the Jewish talk-show host, whose father escaped Nazi Poland by the hair on his chinny chin chin, described what happened in Denmark when the Germans invaded: "The Germans made the same proclamation in Denmark as they had every other country they invaded. All jews had to wear the yellow Star of David to be identified as jews. The day the proclamation went into effect, all Danes wore the yellow star. Even the King and Queen of Denmark went out for the day with yellow stars sewn onto their clothing, and declared, 'Indeed, we are all Jewish.' The net effect was that the Danes saved nearly all their jews, unlike any other country in Europe." I have an unbelievable newfound respect for the Danish people. I had no idea!

Read all about it I wanna know why a "university biologist" (a euphemism for a welfare recipient by way of tax-funded reasearch dollars) had to perform a study to find that human poop will kill plants. And that may it ain't such a good idea to use human poop to green up the 18th hole of your favorite golf course. I mean seriously people, you needed a damn study for that? Eew!

Took a trip to Santa Monica for a burger, but what we got was a Pillsbury Dough Girl. Jerl, Brett, et al tell me this is a muffin top. Could be, but would you eat it? I sure as hell wouldn't...

And can someone tell me what's with the hair, and the coat that could attack?

I really hate movie stars, this site has a Movie Star Pig Fucker category after all. Unless a star hits that category, I could care less about them. They're communists, stupid, self-righteous, and uninteresting parrots with nothing new to say about anything. But I couldn't help myself here. Lindsay Lohan, one of the ugliest It-Girls ever, has been in another accident. In fact, she's been in a lot of accidents. This time, she "slipped" down the stairs of fellow nobody Bryan Adams (anyone remember who that is?!) and sliced herself with a teacup, of all things. I say slice, cnn.com says "cut." If you have to go to a hospital for treatment rather than peel open a bandaid, you're sliced. She's also been in two car accidents where she's the driver. I realize she may be passing drug/alcohol tests at the time, but every good drunkard knows that mental impairment can last long after the BAC dwindles, depending on the bender. I shall wait for the "rehab" headlines as undoubtedly, she's headed there. She's got bucks to buy all the substances she could possible swallow, and so she's got three options: Get some treatment, join Michael Jackson in the Bahrain insane assylum, or join Chris Farley et al six feet under. Latest Accident Car Accident Another Car Accident

Read all about it Well, probably not. But if you have a few minutes to spare, this is such a heartwarming story. The synopsis is that a woman saw a little girl alone in a convenience store who looked haunted, scared, something; the woman's instincts told her something was wrong. She took the license plate of of the creepy dude who drove the girl away, called 911, then local authorities, and even America's Most Wanted. When they did nothing, she drove 300 miles back to the convenience store a week later and begged them to let her watch the surveillance tape from the day she saw the girl. While watching the tape, a local cop walks in, he's pursuaded to look into it further, and voila, the girl was not supposed to be with the cretins who were keeping her, the creepy dude was a convicted child molester and they were molesting her, and the child has been saved. I love this story, and I have to keep the dark reality cloud away that this poor child has been saved for the moment but most certainly has a real tough life ahead of her. The next invention should be the ability to wipe out horrifying childhood memories, I tell ya'. And while we're at it, when the FUCK are we going to learn these godforsaken monsters do not rehabilitate. To stop this cycle of evil against children, they should just be thrown into one big pit of 50 with enough food to feed 40. That'd take care of them, and society.

Read all about it Brett Affleck brings us a beauty today. A German newspaper "inadvertently" ran a 1/3 page advertisement for E.ON, a worldwide energy company, with a tag line that said, "The Gas of Tomorrow." Unfortunatley, a big story on the "the gas of yesterday", the Nazi extermination of European gypsies, was the other 2/3 of the page. That just could not have been an accident. Those silly krauts...

Read all about it What kind o' sissy gets his knickers all knotted up around his nuts just because a teacher made him sit on the floor for wearing a football jersey. Come ON now bro', show some Elway-style fortitude. Sit on that there floor and take yer damn quiz with pride for taking one for the team. And we didn't mean in the butt, either bro'. Don'tcha start shakin in yer shoes again...

Read all about it It's really unbelievable that there are not more headlines all over the place on how the NFL referees did everything but spike the Pittsburg gatorade jug with qualudes to hand Indianapolis this playoff game. There's a little talk hither and thither about the most ridiculous call ever made in NFL history (as in this article, the overturn of the interception), but there were numerous issues with the refereeing of this game. Bad ball placements, not calling penalties on Indy, and, in spite of all that, the Steelers still won. San Diegans all over rejoiced. San Diegans may be a bunch of sun bleached, half-baked stoners with fewer brain cells left than an ameoba, but they never forget slight to the home team (click here to read all about Peyton's punkass brother.)

Read all about it So some of those fatties out there are just fine being the way they are. Well duh, if they weren't, they'd probably do something about it. What the media, politicians, et al, don't seem to understand with any sort of consistency is that people can and should be able to live their lives exactly as they damn well please. That includes smoking, drinking, drugging, and getting/staying fat-ing. And they can be goddamn happy about it, too, even if this study or that study (Click Here to Read Another Study 'bout the Doomed Lives of Fatties), or some agendized jerk-off from the Center for the Public Science Institute says you're gonna DIE if you don't follow the dietary guidelines to a T. Ya, you're gonna die three months earlier in that nice nursing home (that's what the other studies show; if you follow all this dietary guideline crap to a tee you'll, on average, live three whopping months longer in your diapers). So why don't those busy-bees just go study why cats hallucinate when you put LSD into their cat food. It's more interesting.

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...or do they? It's an unofficial assumption that couples who partake in three-some-ing are going to find themselves solo flyers, most of the time. Or, the subsequent relationship will be sicko; just like many abused don't leave their abusers, it doesn't make the relationship happy or healthy just because it has been sustained. Soooo, there's a $100 bet on this one friends, family, guests and everyone else who ever made it to this blog. If you bring a third someone into the bedroom, are ya' gonna be able to go on from there and be happy happy happy? Are ya' gonna be jealous, suspicious, fearful the new family addition will wreck your life more than a puppy wrecks the carpet? Are ya' gonna have to forever escalate the sexual accoutrements (read leather and no lace) to be satisfied in the beddie bye room? Or do ya' just go wow that was great we'll make it an annual event and go about your happy ways... Michela's got a c note riding on the it-will-ruin-a-happy-relationship-in-some-way-shape-or-form opinion. David's got the same c note riding on the it-won't-harm-if-all-agreed-to-begin-with opinion. Reliable, researched information on this topic is difficult to locate; attempts to google for hard facts (so to speak) simply return a slew websites that either promote the swinging lifestyle or assure you that Christianity has the answers to your sinful ways. Michela's supposition is based on intuition and the experienced mind of Dr. Drew. We need popular opinion.

Marla brings us a rational pre-holiday story...Read all about it Morgan Freeman has given us the only sensical musings outta Hollyweird since...since...well, since ever. But these sound observations get less press than the groundhog shadow. Oh well, that's what we're here for.

Read all about it Mexican President Vicente Fox has proclaimed the US decision to expand the border fence "disgraceful and shameful" and a violation of human rights. SOOoooo, the fact that Mexico is so corrupt these poor souls who risk life, limb, and family savings to come to the United States across dangerous deserts because they cannot find work in Mexico, the fact that they can't enroll their children in schools, the fact that they can't get medical care because Mexico is essentially a bankrupt, pathetic country that should really be very rich because it has as many or more natural resources as the United States, THAT'S not shameful? And our attempts to prevent our beautiful and pristine California countryside and coastline from being overrun by millions of poverty-stricken people from a corrupt country IS?

Read all about it Luddites around the world unite. Technology and advances in modern medicine are rapidly closing in on you. Those of you who long for the good ol' days when we didn't have cars, homes which trounced on the habitats of tick mice, and it was soooo coooold it killed off the prehistoric world (we hate global warming, after all), you'll hate this story. This poor girl is being cared for in the Western World, free of charge. Why? Because our lives have gotten so good, we have something left over after a long day toiling, and we're willing to share. Not like in Haiti, where this poor child couldn't catch a Taxi, never mind proper medical treatment.

I tried to avoid any comments on this Tookie Monster Williams nonsense because it became such a media whorefest there wouldn'ta been enough condoms in the Western Hemisphere if it involved screwjobs of the sexual type. Media whore Jesse Jackson, Snoopy Dogg Dogg, Jamie Foxx, and the other usual Hollyweird P-Fers all whored around this loser Tookie Monster Williams. And Barbara Becknell, the fleabag chick who woulda' banged Tookie Monster but for that little imprisonment problem due to his murdering FOUR people and BRAGGING about it. But for that... And to see that the 'standard' media outlets, you know the ones, LA Times, NY Times, the pink-papered rag in San Francisco, lacked of any semblence of accurate reporting throughout this, as they stumbled over their own long, lying noses to whore around with the above whore-mongering list, well, it's enough to make you wanna burn the Hollywood sign down for-ever. Nobody I know has all day to sort through the BS, so I'll just give you some highlights: San Francisco Chronicle reproted that "Los Angeles shock jocks" were booed as they shouted "Kill Tookie! Kill Tookie!" This is an absolute fabrication. The show in question, the John and Ken show, has 5 hours of show tapes which prove this never happened. No reporter present at the execution asked why Snoopy Dogg Dogg and Jamie Fox were absent. Why? They were at a party for NFL player Terrell Owens. I guess their favorite cause was less important than a chance to party with an NFL star. The LA Times didn't mention Tookie Monster's murder for six paragraphs. SIX. His fraudulent Nobel nominations were mentioned first. I'm not in favor of the death penalty, I've said it 100 times. But this, THIS, this revolting display of insanity by people calling themselves anti-death penalty, it's crap. They could give a rats ass about the death penalty, they only care about whitie. THE MAN. And the whoremongering media and all their whores just played directly into these hands. See the real monsters in action, as they nearly assault talk-show host Jay Ziegler who was there asking legitimate questions like, do you know who the victims were? Did you know that Tookie Monster dedicated one of his children's books to someone who hired the killers who then murdered these FOUR people? See for yourself...

Read all about it Interestingly, the slaughter of 20 people by their government over the mere fact that they protested said government doesn't really ring the slightest bell in US media. Yes this is hidden 12 links deep on Yahoo news, but any headlines? Any CNN or Fox or ABC headlines about this? Nein. Proud to wear that Chinese star shirt, you pro-communist pig?      

Read all about it This is the third Sopranos actor to be in some serious trouble. The first was Robert Iler, the actor who plays Tony Soprano's son. He and his real-life friends decided to rob somebody in real-life like a FantasyLand Soprano. Vincent Pastore, the Sopranos ratfink Big Pussy Bumpensiero, beat his girlfriend to a pulp on the freeway then threw her out of the car. And alas, we have escalated to the final scene, murder. Lillo Brancato Jr. is the Sopranos actor who concocted a scheme to murder Tony's nephew Christopher and finds himself murdered instead. He was inovlved in a robbery which left an off-duty cop dead. He, like his TV character and the scheme that went awry, was shot during this ill-fated burglary and, while not dead, is in serious condition. It makes sense I 'spose, when looking for character actors, what better way to get the street thug character than to use, well, a street thug.

Go see all about it Fellow software geek and blogger of the universe, Paul English, provides you with a way to bypass those ever-so-annoying computers who answer your calls with his "IVR Cheat Sheet." One of my favorite irritants are the new voice activated responses. "Press or say 1" the nice computer voice says. I hit 1. "I'm sorry, we did not understand your response." I hit 1 again. "I'm sorry, we did not understand your response. Please enter a valid response." I loudly say "ONE" as everyone in the store stares. "I'm sorry, we did not receive your entry in a timely manner. Please call again later." CLICK. It turns out if you have background noise, it goes into recognizing what you say. But whether you say or hit 1, it can't understand you. Screw you CITIBANK! Anyway, he runs down the list of these and other annoying computer phone responses, and how to get to an operator, including bizarre key combinations like #-1-4-4. Oh this guy is a saint.

Marla's got us on our toes today...
Read all about it You're the guys wife. He's bipolar. He's not taking his meds. LET's GO ON A PLANE TRIP! Aw shucks, it's not that long of a flight anyway...

Read all about it Marla reminds us that today marks the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, a date most people don't, in fact, remember. Perhaps our easily forgotten history is why so many of us stand willing to forget that we were totally blameless on the morning of 9/11/01. Oh yes, evil people have their reasons. Yep. Emperor Hirohito had his reasons for Pearl Harbor and subsequently torturing and starving thousands of prisoners of war to death; Hawaii. Stalin had his reasons for murdering 10,000,000 people; as they starved to death in inefficient communist farms, they might revolt against him. Hitler had his reasons for murdering 6,000,000; the Jewish human beings he tortured to death were mere rats that needed to be exterminated. Pol Pot had his reasons for murdering 3,000,000 of Cambodia's best and brightest, and most helpless; a totalitarian communist society needed to be put in place. And Mohammad Atta, and his 18 fellow murderers, yep, they had their reasons for the murder of 3,500 innocent lives on 9/11/01. A political statement. A stance against the United States. All maniacal despots have their reasons. Well we have a stance, too. And we, too, have reasons. And 9/11/01 is the reason for that Patriot missile floating right up the Taliban asses. I hate war. But the Hirohitos, Stalins, Hitlers, Pots, and Attas cannot be loosened upon us without a fight. Remember Pearl Harbor today.

Read all about it Just when you thought your sex life was as bad as it gets, Updike gives you a sex scene that will definitely not give you an up-dick: "...arranging her legs in an M of receptivity, and he knelt between them like the most abject and craven supplicant who ever exposed his bare ass to the eagle eyes of a bunch of crows." An "M" of "receptivity"? WTF? "Abject and craven supplicant"? WTF? I can only imagine the frigid, nightmarish scene of copulation this might have been, were these real people. And then there's Marlon Brando's version of sultry sex: "She could not answer. It is the one drawback of fellatio as conscientious as hers that it eliminates the chance for small talk and poetry alike." The "one" drawback of oral sex is no small talk or poetic readings? WTF? Welcome to Guardian Unlimited Books' Bad Sex in Fiction Awards . Let's just say MWB read them all, and couldn't find any reason to argue one of the 'winners' off this list. Read away...and don't worry about reading in a public place. You won't get a noticable woody from these gems.

Read all about it Frequently, the 'medical community' is simply protecting their industry when they restrict medicine from the common person. And frankly, if you wanna cook or kill your baby with an ultrasound, that really should be your problem; the 'medical community' can tell you you're nuts, they can recommend against it, but they shouldn't be allowed to ban you from buying an ultrasound machine. But I have digressed into the everyone-is-responsible-for-their-own-actions land, which is a far, far away place. The real gem in this story is that Tom Cruise is such a maroon he fails to see what a maroon he is with this ultrasound business, and admits it so openly. Ultrasound is a somewhat risky thing for maroonery to be playing with. It can burn you, it can do all sorts of bad things. For cryin' out loud, it sterilizes surgical equipment; imagine what it might do to a baby or its poor little brain. But since Tommy is such a fan of science, let's just leave him to his little science experiments and see what happens, shall we?

Read all about it Just when you thought it was safe to eat those Tijuana street vendor hot dogs, you know, the ones you know have cat meat in them (ever seen a cat on the streets of TJ? hmm?), the cheese made in the bathtub across the street from the nudie bar on Revolucion is unsafe. What's next? Bad eggs from the chickens who wander the toll road just south of Ensenada? Perish this thought...

Read all about it I'm not sure if you're a hungry homeless person that you would care if you went in to your local shelter for Christmas dindin only to find Moosemeat pie on the menu, but I think it would give me the heebie jeebies. Especially to find that said moose was pummeled by a train, for cryin' out loud. Yes, yes, we appreciate the meat not going to waste, but still... Then again, the idea of sleeping under a bridge in Alaska sends a chill down my spine as well, so maybe my thresholds are just a little higher.

Read all about it Or, maybe it is...having never grown up in cold enviros, what does either Marla or Michela know about pond ice. But even we SoCali girls know; only 24 days of frigid weather?...probably t'ain't nuff to go ice skating. We thinks the kid on the 3-wheeler didn't know he was driving onto ice, it is hard to see sometimes. But the 44 year old ought to have taken his little girl to the ice rink, not the semi-frozen pond. We just don't get it sometimes.

Read all about it Anti-abortion whacknuts want to fly pictures of aborted fetuses over the beaches of Hawaii. They claim it's unfair to restrict their 'free speech' by not allowing airborne advertising. M mm mmm.

I hear the Catholic Church is upping the training on exorcims. I think I need one here, very badly! The Anti-cat: The Anti-dog:

Read all about it If the ex dies, Michela is goin' ta jail, there's no doubt about it. Hopefully he's back to hiding out in his hole, safely tucked away from random gunfire, sharp knives, and cut brake lines on steep hills. However, this story is somewhat unique in that this picture of perfect mental health (the murderer) married a psychologist (the murder-ee) who had drugged and raped her at 16. What the? And then he abused her from ages 22 through 47. What the? Further, he had a long history of mental illness. And she didn't? This marriage sounds like a knife fight waiting to happen. Mine on the other hand...well... half the drama and twice the sanity. I'd have no defense man, no defense.

Read all about it It is feared that 50,000 people will have died from this earthquake by the time the bodies can all be counted. All the hand-wringing and sky-high death predictions of New Orleans don't shake a stick to figures like that, and, they turned out to be more false than the Pamela Anderson's body parts. This looks to be real. Dire and real. The similarly sized San Francisco quake (click now to read about it) killed about 60 people. The only thing that separates Loma Prieta, Los Angeles, San Diego, and Pakistan is a capitalist society, judeo-christian values and a kind nod to twentieth century progress. Countries like Pakistan who insist on living in ancient history, including a dark-ages approach to learning, religious bigotry, and male/female roles will be damned to the rubble of their pre-historic societies. It's not with a cold heart I say such things; it's with certain sadness to realize that people will trade the lives and futures of their children in for their outdated ideals.

Read all about it A man thinks a snake he has shot many times is dead, he reaches over to grab it, and it sunk a fang into his hand, hitting a vein and killing him. Just when you thought rattlesnakes were not so bad... Then there's the suit-snakes in Washington who just want to cut checks from our bank accounts, much more easily than they would out of their own. This thinking will bite you and your bank account.

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Read all about it I can't even comment on this hideous article...thank you Snydways for bringing it to our attention and fooey on youey for reminding us that the human race is so friggin awful sometimes!

Read all about it Katie Holmes managed to create Cruise Scientology devil-spawn... she's got him now, right along with his 100 mil plus fortune. Maybe we had this dimwit wrong all along.

Is tackling Jesus during a football tournie just not your style? Well wait, there's more... there's also GLOWING RED VELVET JESUS to satisfy all your kitsch addictions...

Read all about it How does one respond to this sad fact? The boat was rated for 50 passengers based on the Coast Guard standard of 150 pounds per person. Cleveland said that standard may have to be revised in light of data showing Americans growing fatter.

And I won't post if I don't want to

Pinko brings us a whole new Jesus marketplace... Get your Jesus Figures Now Pinko and I particularly enjoy the Kid-Tackles-Jesus figurine. Is this a metaphor for all spirtual pursuits? Or, could it be, just the ultimate in tacky kitsch? Wouldn't you pay 20 bucks to see a picture of just one person who orders this garbage?

Read all about it In search of the reason Irish youth have been killing each other over a dark, freezing Island for 2000 years, Dublin researchers have found changes in teen brains that may cause all their troubles.

Read all about it With the final tallies still far off, with the rescues still taking place, with human beings displaced from their homes and still living in sports arenas, Hillbilly Hag Extraordinaire is calling for a 9-11 like probe of this disaster. First, there's no doubt there were huge issues with the response. But there's enough blame to go around. Plenty. Something the pink ladies of the liberal media are not discussing is that New Orleans didn't follow its own emergency evacuation procedures. Second, the citizens facing these dire conditions did not leave New Orleans when they should have. Third, when the hurricane veered away from New Orleans, it seemed the threat was gone. In a few short hours, the breaking of the levee changed that scenario dramatically and quickly. Fourth, much of the human suffering was caused by the animalistic behavior of the people who stayed behind (intentionally, you recall). These factors, much, much more than any of Bush's failings, are the primary reason the human suffering reached the extent that it did. And finally, BUSH is NOT the government. The government is a combination of local, state, and federal bodies which include Senates and Houses of Representatives. I do not recall seeing Hillbilly Hagariffic pontificating in front of TV Cams before her exploitation-of-the-moment light bulb went on. Does everyone forget how she lied about her hideously ugly daughter's not-so-close brush with 9-11 to gain sympathy? She's so hagariffic, I cannot even write these words without gaining 12 points in my blood pressure.

Read all about it Baby Brett Affleck brings us an article and shame on FoxNews.com for not carrying this, but it does go to show that CNN doesn't have the lock and stock on leftwing whacknut leanings. A massacre in Walmart was averted by a legally purchased, registered, and concealed weapon carried by a law-abiding citizen. This man should get Man of the Year. This should have been BIG news. I guess the leftwing whacknuts only care when many children are murdered (it keeps the population down and serves their goal of eliminating humans from their prized planet earth).

Okay MWB Mistress of the Blogworld Michela cannot avoid another small commentary on the hurricane. The leftists have peeled themselves off their grimy, tacky wallpapered walls (paint is bad for the environment) from every corner of their narrow-minded little worlds to blame this hurricane on the "global warming" (you mean, the current weather conditions?). They have said made back-handed comments that the USA "deserved" this for not signing Kyoto, or that it was due to that grand karmic equalizer in the sky, for not having signed Kyoto. Simpletons of the world, read on. "Global warming", the way you describe it, is faaaaaaaaarrr from a settled scientific fact. Here are the disputes: 1. One volcanic eruption spews more carbon gases into the atmosphere than 10,000,000 SUVs if they drove for 10,000 years. So the current "global warming" is far more likely to have been caused by volcanic activity than mere little humans in the US of A. 2. The most generous estimates of Kyoto say that if all meaasures were taken, the earth's temperature average will be reduced by 2 degrees. I saw the March of the Penguins. Does anyone think that those poor little penguins couldn't use a degree or two shaved off to ease their suffering? Hmmm? -80 to -70, even, would be quite nice for those little penguin guys and gals. Not thinkin', though, that -80 to -78 will much help. 3. Then, there's the fact that Kyoto lets third world cesspool nations spew as much shit into the air as they want. So, what is little ol' US of A supposed to do to counter all that damage? Hmm? 4. Lets go back a millenia or so, when they could farm on Greenland. So, what American SUV caused THAT global warming. Hmm? What about the flood of Noah's day. Hmmm? Fuck all you pinko shitbags who would use this horrible incident, or the tsunami, or any other perfectly natural disaster to assert your political gain. When the Repubs blamed gays and monkey bonkers for bringing HIV to the human race, they were less far off than left wing whackjobs saying that Tailand deserveed a tsunami to clear out the hotels which were wrecking the pristine land.

Everyone is emailing me (the myriad of MWB fans) about the hurricane; why am I not blogging about it; what about the potshots being taken at rescue workers. Sorry fans, MWB is going to be a respite from that horror, save for the humorous pic of the Voodoo store awning sitting on the ground. News outlets such as FoxNews.com, CNN.com, Reuters.com, MSNBC.com, ABCNews.com can do a far better job. RE: The shootings. I say, shoot back. With bigger guns. We don't hold back with the can of Raid when we see a cockroach, why hold back here. People need rescuing and so eliminate the cockroaches preventing that. It's simple.

Since the ruby slippers were stolen, we were reminded of our generation's link to the past, courtesy of Pink Floyd, one fo the best rock-n-roll bands in history and Wizard of Oz, one fo the best acid trips of all time. If you play the movie The Wizard of Oz and mute the sound, and simultaneously play Pink Floyd's Dark side of the Moon, the album's songs and lyrics match, moment to moment, what is taking place in the movie, from beginning to end. This only works when you play the original vinyl album (as, we are told, cd's have a delay between tracks which do not exist on the album). It all starts with the third lions roar... Courtesy of http://www.geocities.com/freebird73717/PINKFLOYD_DARKSIDE_WIZARD_OF_OZ.html

Read the list of synchronicities1. The lyric “Balanced on the biggest wave” coincides with Dorothy’s balancing act on the fence 2. On the Run” starts as Dorothy falls off the fence 3. Chimes and Bells start ringing as the Wicked Witch appears riding her bicycle. 4. During the “Time” guitar solo, the fortune teller’s sign is shown with the words "Past Present and Future." 5. The tornado is shown in the background as the words “I am not frightened of dying” are sung. 6. The drums start right as the wind really picks up and blows the trees from their roots. 7. The singer calms down as Dorothy is knocked unconscious by the window 8. “Great Gig in the Sky” is still playing as the house flies in the tornado 9. Side 1 of the album is exactly as long as the black & white portion of the film. 10. The cash register in Money is heard right as color is seen in Oz (money = color) 11. The ballerinas enter on “Us, us, us, us.” One ballerina seems to lip-sync “ordinary men” 12. Three men enter on “Me, me, me” 13. One kid’s jerking motions are in sync with the music 14. “Forward he cried” is sung as Dorothy turns to face forward 15. The Wicked Witch appears on “Black, black” On “Blue, blue, blue,” the camera switches to Dorothy (in her blue dress) 16. “And who knows which is which and who is who” is sung when the Good Witch looks at the recently killed Wicked Witch. 17. The play on words "which is which" vs. "Witch is Witch" 18. The Witch goes up on the platform for “Up, up” and then walks down on “Down, down, down” 19. As “And in the End” is sung, the Wicked Witch disappears On “Out, out, out,” & the Good Witch of the North leaves 20. “Brain Damage” plays as Scarecrow sings “If I Only Had a Brain” 21. Heartbeat heard at the end of the album is heard as Dorothy listens at the Tin Man’s chest

Michela once again thanks PT Cruiser for this one:

Enough said:

Whackadoos of the day Whackadoo Number One Cindy Sheehan, mother of soldier killed in Iraq. Asked by a reporter on some ABC "news" show, "Would you have felt the same way if your son was killed in Afghanistan?" Sheehan (roughly, as I must recall from memory): "Why, yes, we shouldn't have gone into Afghanistan either. Why did we invade a whole country when it was just the Taliban and al Qaeda that we needed to go after. We shouldn't go into the whole country for a select few." What? What country? The Taliban = al Qaeda = Afghanistan, prior to the United States' 9/11 Patriot-Missiles-up-the-Taliban-ass payback. Then she says, "we've had no successes in Afghanistan." What? So the Taliban still roam the streets, whipping men whose beards are not long enough and cutting off the hands of women whose fingernails are painted? That still happens? They still have terrorist training camps operational enough to plot 9/11/07? FOOL! More on Sheehan later. She is a grass-eating pacifist who should be grateful she can speak out against our government this way; the way mothers in Iraq and Afghanistan have longed to do for decades, and may soon again, thanks to the Bush "regime." The utterly tragic loss of her son just gave her the podium she needed to spew her idiocy. Whackadoo number two Pat Robertson, Irreverent Reverend In 1993, Robertson said most Nazis were gays and said the two tended to go together. What? The Nazis vaporized gays, and hated gays because they weren't part of the Master Race. He's given us numerous laughable world political analyses, enough to fill 3 days on MWB. Yesterday, he gives us one more by claiming that Muslims and Communists are in it together and out to get us, together. What? Communists, real communists, are godless, soul-less automatons resembling the Borg. They remove God because supercedes The State. For radical Muslims, God is The State. Get it straight (so to speak), Robertson. You're looking as dumb as Sheehan. And I tell ya', that's a double-digit IQ from my view.

Read all about it Courtney Love is in trouble again. Oh my god magnum, I don't believe it. Yet she brings us to the forefront of this whole drug war thing again. She's been arrested, sent for treatment, arrested, court-ordered for this, that, and the other. Nothing stops her. And she is not unique, she just has more money to blow--er, inject-- whatever she wants, really. But she's still an icon for all drug addicts. She may not be whoring herself for her fix (yet?), but she's the same. Nothing will stop these addicts and a huge amount of our physical (courts), financial (treatment centers, hospitals), and human (police, doctors, nurses) are dedicated to the havoc they cause. Why not just give addicts all the dope they want. They'll hit bottom faster, nobody will arrest them and force them into treatment they think they want but really aren't ready for, and they'll probably cause less damage. Or they'll kill themselves, which is probably what they're really trying to do. As long as we lace the dope with birth control, I think this is the best solution.

Read all about it The last time I went to SF, all the stores I visited had to scrub their storefront streets of human urine just to open. You took your life in your hands to cross the street. The food was bad. Yes, the restaurants I visited served very sub-par food and it was, of course, outrageously over-priced. With the famous SF cuisine now mediocre in many places, the assault of urine on the olfactory senses everywhere you go (both from the sidewalk and the bums paid to remain in SF), and the post-9/11 hotel and flight deals now gone, what reason does anyone have to go there? Couple all the physical drawbacks with the hideous politicized nature of everything they do--from not being able to call yourself your dog's "owner" to the article above which reports that the city of SF will not take a WWII aircraft carrier because of the military's current stance on gays--and you have every reason to visit San Diego just a Southwest plane ride south. With white sand beaches that do not smell, the Gaslamp district serving up hundreds of nightclubs and restaurants within walking distance of the trolley, a HUGE military base separating San Diego from Los Angeles, Sea World, the Wild Animal Park, open space, and much happier people (have you ever tried to hit on one of those SF earth mothers? Did your eyeballs survive?), you have a West Coast paradise truly worthly of your travel dollars.

Read all about it Michela thanks PT Cruiser for this one. We resume the long but ardent effort to keep this blog alive, through fires, floods, dog bites, and a miserable California August. So this story is about these cows that will get to eat Marijuana plants through the frigid Moscow winter. I can't think of a better way to keep the beef soft (those stoned heffers won't move a Moscow millimeter), the cows happy, and the pot supply in Los Angeles down. And you thought there was no war on drugs... It's a heffer two-fer for Ashcroft; keep the commie cows stoned and limiting the ever more dangerous flow of pot out of the great US of A. After all, you know how dangerous pot is...you know how many brawls you've seen between the stoners at baseball and football games. You can always spot them; they've got their mouths full of popcorn, a left fist full of cheetoes, and an empty right fist, and they're staring at both fists saying, "Dude, which one was I gonna peg the guy with again?"

Read all about it It's utterly amusing that anyone would care that a Doonesbury comic strip used the word turd. I hear worse than that in the doorway into church... "Damn! I forgot my bible." I hear worse than that picking my niece up from preschool... "You fart head! That's MINE!" I hear worse than that in presidential proclamations.... "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." On any day of the week, I'd rather explain to a 5 year-old what "turd" is over "oral sex." Forget that, they use the word already. And, unfortunately, tweens now know what "oral sex" is, and use that already, too. Thanks Billy Blowjob!

I went to see the Tutankhamun exhibit at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and if any place on earth has worse crowd management than Paris, it is Los Angeles. Here you have 130 unbelievably stunning artifacts from antiquity, and the way they laid them out was as you walked through the various rooms, the artifacts were on two sides of the room. So after you saw the Shabti statuette on this side, you had to battle your way to the scarab necklace on that side. Further, they placed the placards which told you what was what on only one side of the display case; that meant you had to also battle your way to the front of the display case to read what the item was and what its significance was to King Tut. I gave up after two hours of battling haggy old women ("Look Marvin, do you think that glass is thick enough? You know the Michaelangelo statue was destroyed by letting people get too close. Marvin? Do you think it's thick enough? MARVIN?") and snotty children, I finally resigned to read them upside down. Note to selves, LACMA, you could have sold 3x the tickets if you had properly managed the flow of people. But what do you expect from a city that designed and defends traffic flow on Santa Monica Blvd. Angelinos, you know what I'm talkin' bout!

Read all about it The fruit loops are out to scare us to death yet again; a democrat has sounded a "the chemicals are killing us! the chemicals are killing us!" alarm bell. They are citing the presence of flame retardants and plastics in umbilical cords as evidence of our poisoning. The final word by Ms. Slaughter, a Democrat (quelle surprise) after having her own blood tested for the presence of chemicals: "I have auto exhaust fumes, flame retardant chemicals, and in all, some 271 harmful substances pulsing through my veins. That's hardly the picture of health I had hoped for, but I've been living in an industrial society for over 70 years." I have big news for Ms. Slaughter; if she hadn't lived in an industrial society for 70 years, she would have lived to about 35. Maybe 40. Why doesn't Ms. Slaughter travel to Iberia, Nigeria, or other non-industrialized societies for a peak at what it's like not to have clean bottles for her babies, or flame resistant housing and bedding. Or let's send her back in time to see what it was like 200 years ago, without flame retardant and clean baby bottles. She likely would not have survived even ONE year, never mind 70 of them. At least then she'd be dead before she could open her big fat uneducated idiotic mouth and cause everyone who is now living to RECORD LEVELS OF LONGEVITY to pass laws to restrict the creation of clean baby bottles and flame resistant homes and threaten our lives, just as the eradication of asbestos is an undisputed cause of hundreds of deaths in the WTC second tower. Let's slaughter Slaughter before she slaughters US!

In the middle of the night Sunday (Monday morning at 3:45 a.m.), a freak accident caused a fire sprinkler head to break off and flood my city flat. It was the sprinkler in my place that broke, and being on the top floor, all homes below me also suffered incomprehensible flood damage. We're sort of back in biz here, the MWB server survived. The MWB writers survived. Nobody drowned (and there was no fire, in spite of the signal of the smoke detector that triggered this disaster).

For some reason the pansy media and the common folk around us continue to grant these satanically inspired homicidal maniacs the moniker of "suicide" bomber. This moniker gives them a sympathetic place in the world, right next to the intractably depressed and incurably ill. These homicidal maniacs do not have even one clipped pinky fingernail on the goal of suicide; they could jump of a bridge were this true. Their whole being, their entire existence, the sole goal and focus of their lives is not to die, but to murder, to commit homicide. Kudos to FoxNews for already doing it...the entire world must stand up and call them what they are. Maybe that would change the mind of those leftwing whores who dismiss their acts as noble or courageous, as Bill Maher once said of our 9/11 homicidal maniacs.

MWB doesn't have the political, social, or religious philosophy of the typical Londoner. And that's what makes our world a special one. When Westerners disagree, they usually do not go and bomb one another to bits. They debate. They argue. They vote. But they do not bomb. I was once advised by a friend to get an Irish passport. Since my ancestors are nearly all Irish, my father could get one, I could get one (incidentally, this turned out not to be true). We joked that I would never be a target of the hijackers with an Irish passport. That the middle eastern terrorists feel some kinship with the Irish, repressed as they are by the British, and the battle they have waged against them. I was bemused by this tidbit of the world, a world foreign to most Americans since we live in such a vast, vast place surrounded by food, shelter, all cultures, all religions. All the religions you could name in the whole world have a sect, group, congregation, mosque--we could go on for-eveerrrr--in the US. We don't think of the world in terms of who likes who; the slaughter in Serbia of one group by another, the hacking of life and limbs (literally) by one group on another, just totally foreign to us no matter what Jesse Jackson and his black Mafioso would say. I will never again grin slightly at the prospect of mano-a-mano with middle eastern terrorists. I will never again find it chuckle-worthy that they feel the Irish terrorists are cut from the same cloth, fighting the same good fight. The Irish terrorists who blew up so many people, shot them, bashed kneecaps off, and funded murder are not funny at all. That they could possibly have a kinship with middle-eastern homicidal maniacs is horrifying. I now throw them in the same stockpile; the one worthy of some gasoline and a match. I won't lie and say the US is some harmonious, prejudice free garden of invisible skin color Eden. No way. Yet even amongst the vilest of our racists, civility is the rule of the day. Our most dangerous places are not so because of religion, but poverty and the unchecked disintegration of families who take care of each other. The world is not a perfect place and the US is no exception. But the typical citizen, let's say well over 98% on a conservative estimate, would never agree with the murder of innocents on a subway to prove a point. Quite the opposite with the homicidal maniacs; quite the opposite. We sit here behind our PC monitors and our hearts go out to you. No matter what Britain did or didn't do, no matter how much we hate French people, no matter how two-faced and good-for-nothing we think the UN is, we would never bomb them, we would never murder innocent citizens to prove the point, and nobody, NOBODY, deserves to die in this way except the homicidal maniacs themselves.

Read all about it The Libs push a flavor of social engineering as addicting as anything found in a crack pipe. The ideals promise everything for everyone, an Earth in Nirvana, "balance" (their fave catch phrase), and harmony. Terrorists do not hurt people (unless they're totally provoked, and for no other reason), and 50% of the CEOs are women. How could anyone ever get enough of such an ideal world. Just forget that in the purest form, these ideals are the Lenins ("property is criminal!"), the Stalins (10,000,000 murdered), the Pol Pots (2-3,000,000 murdered), the Fidel Castros (enough said). When they pushed for MTB to be added to California gasoline, at any cost, they got to play both sides of the card when it polluted our drinking water..."See, we TOLD you gasoline was bad! Bad, bad! Bad gasoline!" And nary a peep that the leftists caused this pollution. And when they forced us to start adopting "clean energy" because power plants are "Bad! Bad Power Plants! Bad!", who knew... The implementation of those windmills have killed about 44,000 birds, including hundreds of Golden Eagles. Unfortunately, their talking heads are blaming the bird deaths on "improperly placed" windmills. How convenient. How blind...there is no impact-free way for human beings to live on this planet. Should we all just kill ourselves now? You'd like that, wouldn't you...

Get them here My personal favorite? "The Koran, now in Two Ply" I hope they have an extra small. Marla will need one a little bigger, for two different reasons.

I'd love to know who made this spoof, they are comedic geniuses. View Video Note: Sound required and not exactly PC

Dr. Laura announced to the world on her international "Dr. Laura" radio program--a radio show with a listenership comparable to Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern--that she will personally invest her fortunes in the hotel project proposed to be built on (what is only temporarily) Supreme Court David Souter's home.

Since the liberal judges have ruled that your property rights are meaningless and the position is indefensible, the liberal media (meaning CNN, MSNBC, ABCNews, et al) are conspicuously missing any meaningful articles on the topic. However a headline pronouncing the fact that the Supreme Court took the case of anti-abortion protests holds a prominent spot on CNN.com. The case won't be heard for about a year. This, however, is BEAU-tee-full: Supreme Court justice faces boot from home? Developer wants 'Lost Liberty Hotel' built upon property of David Souter Read all about it And on non-Communist FoxNews, the story of a little old lady now defenseless against corporate pig developers. Hear that Libbies? Your libbie judges have totally empowered Corporate Pig Big Developer, the ones that chop up the giant redwoods for notebook paper and strip malls. Congrats; taste the bitter pill of your own philosophy. Read all about it

One of the most sacred and wonderful things in the United States of America has been the dedicated preservation of your private property rights. A constitutional right designed in the shadow of medieval feudalism where lords dictated when you had land and when you did not, the now-infamous decision by the Supreme Court has reversed a 200+ year history and certainly unraveled the threads of liberty our forefathers wove together. Now, as long as cities need your property and can make more money on it, they can take it. And so just like that, this decision has paved the way for your property to be seized at any time, and your intent, your future, your plans for it, are meaningless. Completely meaningless. It also renders laughable the myth that liberals, liberal judges, or liberal politicians have any concern whatsoever for the "little guy" as they claim, and every concern in the world for government expansion and government power. I knew an elderly old woman who lived in a run-down city in the eastern region of San Diego County. Her family purchased several acres about 110 years ago to farm, and of course San Diego exploded around this old farm and its farmhouse. The house itself is about 105 years old, an ancient historical landmark in California where most structures of its day were made of clay and are long dissolved. Some land was sold by previous family members. But 15 acres around the old farmhouse remain, and it stands out like a beautiful sore thumb amidst the decrepit strip malls and cheap apartments over-built around it. As the last survivor in the family besides her children, this woman repeatedly turned down offers by developers and the city, a city whose own poor planning caused the area to become "blighted." She knew the pennies they offered in the 70's and 80's were nothing compared to the potential in the years to come. What a smart woman she was; land there is now so prized, it makes the previous offers and "fair market values" comparable to the nickel sale of Manhattan. Her perseverance paid off. Her children, to whom she was so devoted she lived in a house where you could see the ground through the rotting floors, became rich. If the city, who you recall caused its own demise by over-building low income apartments and trashy strip malls, if this same city had the power of this Supreme Court ruling behind it, it would have declared her house “blighted” (it was rundown, she was an 80 year old woman caring for a large farmhouse on a Social Security pension). The historic house would have been razed and the last acres of an entire family's history sold off and forgotten, forever. Her children would have split just thousands between them instead of the millions realized, thanks to their tough old broad of a mother. Because she was willing live and work hard to create a good future for her children, that dream--a dream every American ought to be able to pursue--was realized, tenfold. THAT, my friends, is what the Supreme Court decision means to the average American. You no longer have the right to hold onto your own property for the future. If your family was lucky or smart enough to have bought property years ago, and some wealthy neighborhood has been built around it, kiss your dreams good-bye. "Fair compensation" is a vacuous platitude in the context of 200-300% property value increases in high demand communities (California in particular). A $300,000 fair market payout for a landgrab today is a lost opportunity to hold onto what will be a $1,000,000 property in just a few short years. So stay tuned, everyone; MediaWatchblog has been never been as motivated to galvanize. And we are galvanizing. Watch out Ikea, we've found you are a culprit in a similar city landgrab, and we're ready to take you out, right at one of your busiest and largest stores, the one right up the street from me in THE OC. You, and anyone like you.

Read all about it The soul-less BTK killer, the ice species in a container resembling that of homo sapien appeared in court today. He testified that he decided to put the people he murdered "down", as though discussing a rabid bat. I have a rabid bat for it (a him in physiology, but bearing no resemblance to any man I've ever known in any other respect), and all those like it. It gets to decide when to kill, torture, rape. It had all the power, until it just couldn't stand the lack of publicity, and it decided to send information to newspapers. Thank god its ilk has such a craving, a craving as powerful as its desire to murder. If it had not started these media blitzes, it would have never been caught. I would really love to know how we can identify these its and stop them. It is too late when they have already caused such harm, such intense grief. Isn't there a way to brain scan these monsters? Why not? I hate to mention Movie Star P-Fer Tom Cruise (aaggg...that's me choking on his idiocy) twice in one week, but there are days when shades of Minority Report sound like a good idea.

You may not have any god at all, just as Stalin and Lenin have showed us before. You must bow to godless beliefs You may not take any liberal cause in vain, or you will offend someone. While they may offend you you may not offend them. You must toil for six days to pay the state for all the liberal causes they desire. On the seventh day you may rest so that you are fresh to work again the next six days for free. Honor your mother and father unless they're not allowing you to bang your boyfriend when you're fifteen. You may not kill anyone unless they are cutting down a nice tree. Then, you may kill them. You may not screw around in marriage, unless you are unhappy. You may not steal, unless it is something you want. You cannot lie about a crime, unless you are a liberal college student trying to make a political statement. You must covet everything, and anything you want and do not have is a justification for anger and taxes.

Read all about it Every single one of these guys is hot hot hot, but more in the way a cast iron skillet on a hot stove is hot; all on the surface but eew! Don't wanna touch it! As good as all these guys look on the surface, they all have that certain je ne sais quoi... that I'm-a-slimy-gay-pornstar look.

Read all about it This story was written to talk about how eBay had to end the auctions of Live 8 tickets--given away originally for free--due to hoax bids of up to 10 million pounds. What it's really about is a man, Bob Geldof, who's family has been totally destroyed by family courts. Courts where the government all the cards and you are but a recipient of the slap of its heavy hand, should it so decide... But he is more than willing to keep a strong government presence in the lives of everyone else, as long as that big government is run liberally, as he has so decided. What a fool you are Geldof, what a fool you are.

This was never meant to be a techie forum, this is a bitch session that happens to offer some techie advice... FREE! Whenever I adjusted the volume in my Windows Volume Control, it made this obnoxious beep. It made this beep even if the sound on Volume Control was muted, and even when my sound schemes were set to "No Sounds" ... I destroyed my computer, literally, by disabling something that referred to "Volume" but was really to manage the storage volume... you know, the hard drive? OOPS. I forget if it was a deleted registry entry or a disabled service (gobbledeygook, I know), but regardless, it said "Volume" and I got rid of it after hours of trying to eliminate whatever was causing that really annoying and really LOUD beep, and my computer choked up its left lung and died. Thank you jesus for my obsessive habit of backing up my PC; rebuilt and restored data within 2 hours, no headaches, but the BEEP was back! I started feel like the beep was a little chucky doll I could not kill... I finally found some uber obscure reference to the beep posted a forum over 2 years ago, and it turns out it is a Non Plug-n-Play device driver and I won't go on. Here's a link to the forum if you need help getting rid of Chucky Beep...                                         >Go to Forum< You gotta love geeks; they talk about this stuff for fun, and the rest of us get to have the answers by default. And I love what the poster on the forum says: "The MS tech support flunky who said it was a motherboard problem should be boiled in oil for such a blatant lie." And whoever built this "feature" in the first place deserves an equally horrid fate. Why is disabling this beep buried three layers deep in system configurations and who would ever want it in the first place? Does NO SOUNDS mean NO SOUNDS EXCEPT THE LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS BEEP WHEN YOU AJDUST THE VOLUME to Microsoft bitheads? Apple whackjobs need not post comments, we won't go to your grasseating ways no matter what you say.

Read all about it Yahoo and Google are both racing to provide password protected content to users as long as they're a subscriber (for now, right?). These sights start with the nice Consumer Reports magazine online, but soon to include sites such as Lexus Nexus. Lexus Nexus is a ginormous databank with highly confidential data on every single person born in a hospital in the 2nd and 1st worlds. If you think I'm kidding, read this: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7913667/

Read all about it I have been unable to finish my earnest effort to convince you the Patriot Act should not be accepted blindly in its entirety. In the interim, Marla asks you to ponder which period in antiquity this prehistoric freakshow came from and should be sent back to. Thank god he's no genius...

The Patriot Act is, as the name suggests, a measure which patriotic citizens should adore and whose only opponents can be the unpatriotic, the communists, and the socialists. Anyone who disagrees with the Act is just some fruit-looped, Birkenstocked, Greenpeace employed whackjob and there is no in-between... “with us or against us,” right? Yet I’ve been in-between, and until today, I pah-pahed the vociferous concerns of those who oppose the Act and discounted its scope and by virtue of silence endorsed its existence. I believed the Act would only present a problem to someone who already presented a problem, and that common citizens would not be within its reach. So yah, I might not agree with it in theory, but I didn’t worry about what new permissions its sprawling 800 pages gave the government, the FBI, the CIA. Guffaw, who’s it really going to impact; some long-bearded future terrorists living in San Diego? Who cares about their civil rights? I don’t have to worry about the books I check out of the library, for Christ’s sake. And so I am quite sad to have been edified, to have been lifted out of my comfortable Patriot Act fog to learn that indeed, normal, everyday citizens like us have already suffered the consequences of the civil liberties the Act stole away so loudly (it was not quietly at all). So many of us were so earnest and pure in our desires to ensure there was never, ever, another 9/11 ever, never, ever again that we’d have agreed to the passage of a law that adopted a mandatory Nazi solute to police or the construction of a Reichstag at Ground Zero. And so we got our Reichstag, and it is the Patriot Act. I truly hate to echo along with the idiot U of Colorado professor who called the 9/11 victims “Little Eichmanns." Nazi references are used so flippantly these days that using it as an analogy at all just makes people (rightfully) dismiss you as though you are a Holocaust-denying moron. But allow me to draw this parallel just for a second, before you hit the back button on your browser and go Googling or checking email. The Reichstag had been the seat of German politics as its Parliament for decades prior to its rise as the face and symbol of Nazi power. On February 27, 1933, the Reichstag was set on fire by arson; the fire was set in multiple places and an explosion followed which completely destroyed the building. A very likely mentally ill Communist party member from Holland was found behind the building during the blaze. Hitler used the fire to rouse anti-Communist sympathies. As Chancellor of Germany, he convinced the president to sign something called the Reichstag Fire Decree which effectively erased the human rights provisions of the Weimar Constitution written after World War I. He further convinced the president to activate the Enabling Act which enabled the government to pass laws by decree rather than by democratic process. I do not find it much of a stretch between how Hitler came to have so much power over Germany so quickly in those early days by virtue of the Reichstag fire and how we may have granted the FBI, the CIA, and Homeland Security (another innocuous-sounding but potentially malevolent government behemoth) powers that may endanger democracy in the long term by virtue of 9/11. I have often accused liberals of never thinking of the past or the future; Ann Coulter sums it up quite nicely with “For liberals, history began yesterday.” Yet it seems that Conservatives may be thinking in the same way, and with similar short-sightedness. Today, the US government and civil liberties will not vaporize with the Patriot Act--erode, but not vaporize. What about 100 years from now? Where will our liberties be if 800 pages more are added to this Act, and opponents are mocked by conservatives who firmly believe that we are not “safe” without it? How will Freedom of Speech, Freedom from unreasonable search and seizure, Freedom of the Press survive 1600, 2000, 2500 pages of “Patriot” Acts? I believe that they would not survive and I believe it is possible. Our tax code that would circle this planet 29 times if it were printed out in its entirety. That’s proof enough that bloated bureaucrats are more than capable of quickly writing a ton of laws in a short amount of time--the tax code is only about 100 years old. Conservatives are more than willing to point the Nazi finger when it suits them; the Nazis took away everyone’s guns before they rounded them up and murdered them, by Golly. Well now we find the conservatives are taking away our civil liberties and then rounding us up, by golly. I rarely admit I’m wrong; I rarely change my mind. But I never stop pursuing truth, logic, and liberty the way I believe it is defined not only by the US Constitution, but by the ideal we represent. We fall short of this ideal since we are human beings, and human beings can’t perfectly implement any social or democratic system; we’re too subject to those things that make us human—greed, passion, desires, jealousy—to make anything work perfectly. But as long as your eye is on the ideal, you can stay as close as humanly possible to the goal. If you turn away from the ideal as long as you think you have mitigating circumstances, anything goes. Such is the Patriot Act; an anything goes law created in shadow of the extraordinary events of 9/11, our mitigating circumstances. It has allowed the conservatives to let history begin on September 11, 2001. It allows us to think someone is insane at the suggestion that Bush has waylaid power and human rights like Hitler in 1933. But just as the Reichstag Fire Decree snowballed into the full blown Third Reich, the Patriot Act and its add-ons enables our government an excessive amount of power which will be the death of our Ideal; the United States, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave. Part II to follow tomorrow

Read all about it I find it interesting that a liberal news outlet such as ABC News would point such a level finger at another country's justice system, even if that other country is China. I'm sure China's injustices are numerous, but the example in this story is hardly more egregious than anything the US has ever done. The US has convicted and jailed for decades hundreds of people based on flimsy eyewitness testimony, faulty evidence, and a myriad of other injustices. China's civil rights violations go far beyond the wrongfully convicted; they are sweeps of protesters exerting what we would call 1st Amendment rights; they are imprisonments of journalists and other free thinkers who dare to challenge the Chines Communist Manifesto, the forced abortions on women to meet a one-child limit. That is what ABC News should highlight. There's little difference between the US and the story in this article, and a huge difference between the US and China's civil rights violations. Any time you must place your life in the hands of the government, it's flip of a coin on whether or not you will receive fair justice.

Read all about it Aye yay yay Lucy, you'f bin teengkeeng ah-gen! These words ring more true every day; the way Lucy walked through life and thought about things was a lot different than Ricky. What a shock. SHOCK! As far as I'm concerned the women who attended the conference where Harvard President Dr. Sumners dared to even mention these diferences should have slapped that bitch who walked out on him im a big huff. As a woman, that's how I think.

Read all about it A mother's son is killed on an ATV, and she is demanding all these government interferences? How about we demand that you have a triple digit IQ before you have kids? Get real; how could you look at your 10 year-old child on a full-size ATV and think, ya, that's safe. These people, people who cannot think for themselves, create a landmine of laws and regulations which ultimately don't save anyone from themselves. This lady was just as likely to have let her kid jump off a two-story building into a pool, then sued the pool builder and demanded tougher regulations. Gimme a nanny-break!

Read all about it This is a long article, and I'll nutshell it for you because we know you're busy. Actually, the first line of this article nutshells this for us better than MWB can, and as our fans, you know we give you some good nutshells: If the European Union were a state in the USA it would belong to the poorest group of states. How about that. The Krauts, the Frogs, the Boots, and the Brits are church mice compared to the US as a whole, and can only measure up to the banjo players in Mississippi and West Virginia in GDP (if you don't know what gross domestic product is, you're not smart enough to read MWB). It doesn't stop there, my village-loving little liberal monkeys. Swedes, and others living in Scandinavian hovels which thus far were believed to be the models of pure Socialist paradise, live miserly little lives compared to the lap of luxury where most Americans reside. Except, of course, for the banjo players who haven't found a way to make their riches in banjo radio (MWB isn't even sure they have radios in West Virginia...). Ah my little monkeys in their socialist cages are already squawking, I can hear them now..."Have you seen the beggars in San Francisco? Los Angeles? Sweden doesn't have that!" Ah but my little monkeys, if you get your bananas out of your ears for a moment, you'll hear that Sweden does have these parasitic street people, and that they suck the lifeblood of the Swedish economy right out. You'll also hear that we're talking most Americans live better; I wouldn't call homeless beggars in the two most communist cities in America any fraction of the US as a whole. You'd hear, my little monkeys, that teachers in Scandanavian countries will teach you "sack lunch" as one of your first words, since most of them, yes, most these weathly white Socialist saviors up north cannot afford to go out to lunch and nearly everyone packs their lunches. Most teachers can't even afford the rare treat, a pizza, on their salaries of 55,000 US a year (since they end up with 1/2 of that and a pizza is a whopping 60-80, after taxes). Even the common plebes in handout central, France, enjoy a lifestyle not to be seen in Sweet Sweden; cafes, bistros, nice carafes of wine on a Saturday afternoon shopping trip. Our Saab-building Socialist friends drive rent-a-wrecks as well. They can scarecely afford more than one car in a family and they keep it for 15 years. Nobody does that in the US. Yes, we need cars because our decentralized society hasn't connected with public transportaion yet, but also because we don't have to. It is my belief that the socialist ways of life in these countries is at great peril; they must compete with us and our brains powered by a vast educational system and the influx of their commrades who have fled their stifling economies so they can start business (hello, Germany, Sun Microsystems was a big loss, wasn't it). They must also compete with third worlds, who don't have to pay fat cat welfare benefits. Their populations are also dwindling. They only have 1 kid per family, and between that and their emigration, they will collapse under the weight of their own elderly burdens. So much for the savior of socialism; and it proves one thing to us. That whenever you put the welfare of yourself and your future into the hands of the government, it's a toss of the dice whether or not you'll be cared for and have a good life. Better to make the best one you can for yourself, without interference.

Read all about it At great risk of sounding like a heartless scab, even more than when I call the inhabitants of Mississippi banjo playing rednecks, I'm going to make a commentary on the aid to Tsunami victims. I know this is just one article about one place in the Tsunammi stricken areas, and some good that all that aid provided must exist. But here it is; the unintended consequences of well-intentioned billions of dollars is not serving to educate these ladies, it is funding the incentives to marry them off as very young brides. When there is payment to destitute families for marriage of young girls, what else could possibly be the outcome?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/nkorea_nuclear Left to their own communist devices, communist societies have very little gross domestic product, high inflation, negative growth, and just implode. China has been a stunning counter argument but they have succeded in three simple ways: by sheer number of expendible worker bees, adoption of some western ecomic practices, and stealing anything they need with protections, such as "Most Favored Nation" status granted by the US. Just leave North Korea alone; their people are starving, their leader is insane, and we could obliterate them with one push of a very red button.

Q: How many people does it take to put together one set of scuba gear on a beautiful Saturday morning? A: Two full size hu-maans and one chihuahua

And, the full spectrum SoCal-lie view of life:

Dallas, are you drooling? Or is that just a sweaty chin...

I fear I will have to sew every stitch of clothing I will ever wear. Because if this is what is in my fashion future, I'd rather be buried now, while I can still find a proper pink Dolce & Gabbana suit. These pants, or whatever the hell they are calling these things, are worse than any whorifying Christina Aguilera get-up. They are worse than the worst beaded hairball monstrosity Cher's dead cat could cough up in Pet Psychic's Dead Pet Connection. Oh, and you pay $140 on eBay for crying out loud for these beauties. Once again, the fashion industry run by flaming homosexuals is creating clothes that should simply be set on fire.

Read all about it Thanks Marla... It's hard to read this article...like watching that kickboxing clip, where one opponent breaks the tibia (shin bone, my simple-minded, hangover-fogged bloggees) of the other opponent completely in half, a fact not apparent until he steps on the leg and it collapses. I gather this guy's penis was broken completely in half during sex. Arrrrghhh! That was hard to write, and I'm a female! He sues the offending sex partner over this obviously complete accident. Typical liberal mindset (this guy could be a GOP chairman; we're talking mindset here). They expect us to live without risks, suffer no consequences or side effects of life. People, corporations, the government, must remedy even fluke occurrences since the mindset demands a risk-free life. After you get by the ick-factor of the story, and then after you stop giggling, think about what it's really about.

I am a BlackBerry carrier. And it is as bad as it sounds; like a 'carrier' of tuberculosis and a 'carrier' of typhoid... a BlackBerry carrier. It can be an addiction; as surely as the herion was through Steven Tyler's veins, it can be an addiction, and that's when it morphs from BlackBerry to CrackBerry. When I first got a job that gave me this Crack addiction, I thought, cool! Heroine addicts say the same thing, their first high; hey that was great... and, I won't get hooked. And then the Crack starts calling you, in the middle of the night, all night... it starts as low whispers at first; harmless and breathless little sounds..."check me.... check me.... check me...." and as surely as the high on first plunge of the syringe, if the mail count went from "4" to "5" between 10 p.m. and 10:15 p.m., you get a little thrill. It's subtle, to be sure; you can still walk to the bathroom without falling down. But it's a thrill nonetheless. A whiff of importance, a brief added meaning to life. Then, like all addictions, it gets worse. The subtle, breathless whisper turns into a scream: CHECK ME! CHECK ME! CHECK ME! Like a baby in a poop-filled diaper, you're checkin' that thing 20 times a night. And your brain's pleasure centers feed you when you get that indicator that tells you your emails have incremented, one after another; 4; 5; 6; 9. Ooo I'm important now! Then, like all addictions, the justification sets in... Okay; I'm checking this thing 80 times a night and all night long, but at least I won't have to get caught up on my emails tomorrow! And what a good thing too, because you're gonna have to get caught up on your sleep. Then, like with all addicitons, the crash... I'm checking this thing 80 times a night, it's all bullshit, the people sending me emails all night must be on crystal methamphetemine, and I'm about to lose my mind. NO MORE! I QUIT! And you set the CrackBerry on the entry way table to charge, set to "off". And this, my friends, is the night the electricity in your server room goes, and they try to reach you all weekend. This is the night the stunning application you installed last week has crashed and burned this week. This is the night that your reconciliation module cannot reconcile. This is the night you reach... Acceptance. And you turn the CrackBerry back on, and you don't dare stop checking it, and you don't question it anymore, like any good Borg would (not). Life is good again.

Read all about it This article describes an African tradition in which widows must have have sex with a male relative of her husband. I won't even bother saying why; it is no more worthy of an explanation than the fact that the Easter Bunny hides eggs. Why...why... Who cares why? The participants who have been forced into this servitude are not always willing (what a surprise) but the tradition continues. And then Bono blathers on about help for African HIV sufferers and I have to say why? These traditions, the powerlessness of women, the corruption, the superstitious nature of their traditional beliefs, all work against real change. What a waste of the world's money. Bono has managed to create a flow of money down a superstitious drain.

The Golden Ass by Apuleius is a fabulous piece of Greek literature. The main character, Lucius, is transformed into an ass after he happens upon a town of witches. The story is about Lucius attempting to find a remedy to his ass problem, such as it is. That's about how I'd sum up many of us Americans. Yes, Americans. Americans are unique in the Western world in that we drive everywhere (as opposed to taking public transportation), lead soccer-game fueled frenetic lives, eat lots of pre-prepared foods in fabulous excess, and watch too much television. Before I romanticize our train-loving, Metropolitain-riding European cousines, for the record I was highly amazed how un-put-out Europeans are by having to ride bicycles through Munich in Winter, or by the mud slogging you must to do to catch the Metro in gay Paris...but I digress. Our thighs spread, our frenzied lives become too much, and Desperate Housewives hits too close to home. We start to look for the magic diet pill, anti-depressants, and a different TV Show. What the hell am I rambling on about... I had a talk with a gal having trouble keeping her weight off, and having pain in her neck from "tendonitis due to a PC monitor," which made it even more difficult to exercise. Sounds reasonable, even likely, doesn't it? She was in so much pain she was considering a workers' compensation claim. She then says, "have you seen this show?" and "have you tried netflix?" Mouth shut, me thinks, the neck pain isn't from bizillion hours of weekly TV?I started to tell her how I, coincidentally, had been having a stiff neck. It was completely cured by neck exercises I do in Jiu Jitsu, and she stepped back, aghast... exercise? The look on her face...put my hand in boiling oil? My goodness no; no time for the gym (a gym, for which our company pays 100% of the dues, is in our parking lot). And, she didn't want to worsen the severity of the "injury." This gal is now getting some horse pills from the doctor for the pain, while juggling transportation to her daughter's dance lessons and her son to Pee Wee Football. Once again, mouth shut, but me thinks that the solution to this crazy life is the horse pills, the physical pain... much like Lucius in search of a solution to his ass transformation, that's what we do. The simple solutions are in front of us, and they're simple. But as Golden Lazy Asses, we can't discern our fuzzy lips from our tails. The irony of it is that she is not lazy at all; she runs around like Paul Revere on the eve of the invasion. But rather than refocusing her efforts, she'll hit the horse pills and the simple solution will slip further out of reach.

Read all about it A fanatical Christian friend I had once told me how homosexuality was wrong, but he would not hate them "just" for being gay, and did he not believe they would go to hell. How magnanimous it is of Christians to let gays through the pearly gates, along with child murderers who have been redeemed on their way to the gas chamber. He would only say he "loves the sinner, but hates the sin." Sin? I would ask him, isn't it the least bit possible god created homosexuals to control the population? Or perhaps to provide nannies for orphaned children. Women were dropping left and right during childbirth...a flaming homosexual nanny would be a gift from god, in my mind. It wasn't possible to him that human beings are so complex, so much so that infinite variations are possible, and that this is one of the defective variations just like cleft palates, dwarfism, or red hair. I wouldn't normally compare gays to dwarfs, but I'm trying to reach Christian logic centers here; if a person did not choose to be homosexual, there is no way it could be a sin. Even more, it might be part of the grand design, of which Christians always profess not to have personal knowledge; that doesn't stop them from telling us they know better than we do when it comes to their belief systems. He couldn't answer why fanatical Christians are so concerned with who screws what in where. After all, if homosexuals are so evil, and they're recruiting, protect your kids from them the same way you would from drug dealers, or people who use the F word too much. It never made sense to him when I said, "It's none of your business what they do in bed, and NO, holding hands in public does NOT make it your business any more than it makes it my business whether or not you and your wife have oral sex, just because you hold hands in public." We must not tolerate fanatical Christianity any more than fundamentalist Islam. The ultimate path of each is the limitation of personal liberty and bloodthirsty pogroms. The Crusades may have been hundreds of years ago but Bosnia, Serbia, Sudan, and many others were just yesterday. Let's not have a tomorrow.

One of my favorite people in the whole wide world looks like Ben Affleck's fraternal twin. I have dubbed him Brett Affleck, and I think he'd pass as such at any Follywood A-list restaurant or club (just take me with you, B). Several people who've heard me talk about him but have never seen him have said, aw, come on now, how much does he really look like him...? You be the judge.                             

I had the privilege of attending a one year-old's birthday party on Sunday. My sister was in town for the party (she lives an hour away otherwise), so it doubled as a bi-weekly visit with her and my precious nieces. Everyone who matters has seen their pictures and already knows how unbelievably beautiful they are, but I digress... The hostess/mother rented one of those huge blow-up tent thingies in which kids can jump up and down with little danger of serious injury. The kids can't bounce as high as a trampoline and the tent is enclosed with blow-up and netted sides. Inside this latex beast, we have a mini window into a major debate. Where's the president of Harvard? Where's the Huffy Witch who couldn't even listen Dr. Sumners' opinion that, god forBID, girls and boys are--gasp--different? If Huffy Harvard Witch took her fingers out of her ears and her fist out of her own self-blackened eyes, she might see what I saw on sunny Sunday California day. A dialogue, if you will, between 2 year-old Lucas, 3 year-old Jacob, and 3 year-old Emily: "I'm Lucas. I'm 2. Watch me jump on Jacob!" "Look! Look! I can flip this [pointing to the ceiling of the tent]! Watch!" ""Owwwch! Go away! Please! I'm jumping!" "I shot him in your head! Bang! You're dead! I took your head off!" "No you didn't. I shot you dead. Pow pow!" While I could go through this discourse and credit the quotes, I don't think anyone will have any difficulty in discerning what gender spoke. What I found infinitely fascinating was just how different these wee little lasses and lassies are, so early on; strikingly so. Mammals of the four-legged furry type are indistinguishable until sexual maturity. We are completely different from the moment we hit our feet and start opening cupboard doors. Socialization had nothing to do with this exchange; my sister never taught her daughter to be dimunitive and sweet, "like a lady" should be. Even if she had, what a lady is like would mean nothing at such a young age. It is simply how Emily is, and has been, since she could walk. I'm sure Lucas and Jacob have been boy-style terrors since they could walk. Why the "debate" continues on whether or not boys and girls are different is mind boggling. That we are, end of story. Why we are, only a bit more debatable. How much impact this difference has on the statistical probability of a female becoming a brilliant scientist vs. a male becoming a brilliant scientist, the only unanswered question. If Huffy Witch spent a little more time on this answer and less on turning harmless comments into statements of absolutes and fact, perhaps she could really make an impact on this world, rather than the job of one brave man.

Greetings to my fans, friends, family, and to all those who are one in the same. The Media Watchblog Watchdog is back, and oh we have some blogging to do. From stories on unfair child support, Jessie Jackson suckering into a racist email hoax (media whore that he is), a Native American tribe voting that marriage is between one man and one woman, and the unfolding revelations that the Scandinavian countries are about as poor as church mice, jumping contraceptive jelly batman, we have a lot to discuss. While Marla maintains her palatial digs in the Orange County, California mountains, I have moved from one absolutely fabulous hideaway to an even more AbFab spread in a city center. With a sprawling formal dining room, gourmet granite kitchen, and a terrace with a mountain view fit for the Watchdog Queen of the Media World that I am, who wants to sit at a computer and write? ! Marla and I will be in full swing by May 1... Marla's on her way to a hedonistic weekend for two in Vegas (not that we'll know what she does! What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!) and I need to plain relax. For the record, Marla and I are the Media Watchblog team. Marla provides many, many of the blog topic ideas/stories, assists in MWB publicity, and I do all the writing, provide blog topic ideas, and assist in MWB publicity. Welcome back, fans!

Nope, this is not about Terrie Schiavo... I think you can find enough blogging on that and you're fed up with it anyway (pardon the pun). This post is about how women are brainwashed by the fashion industry. First, we're led to believe that models are the vision of health, the ideal, what men are looking for. I don't know about you, ladies, but I don't know any guy who would touch the stick figure below. Second, we're marketed clothes that were created so that they look good on the stick figure below. Do you remember how many times you asked, "Does this make me look fat?" Well, yeah, it was made for a stick figure and YOU'RE NOT! Third, we're led to believe that those eyes, that skin, those thighs, are real. I saw a show on how they took the background of a model's photo and pasted it over her thigh to make it look about 2 inches thinner than it already was, and believe me, it was already very skinny. Don't forget about the perfect lighting; I don't know how many of you get to walk around with a soft hue of pink light around you, but I've never been able to pull that off. Fourth, Hollywoodland feminists are perpetrators; Susan Sarandon, Uma Thurman, Madonna. Sarandon frequently occupies a front-row seat at fashion shows; where are her cries of protest when the 3/4ths-starved models cruise the runway with clothes pinned to their sac-o-bones bods? How can she and her cronies be so indignant and at the same time so participatory? Lastly, thank god women aren't the idiotic stepford wives the feminists frequently make us out to be; we can actually look at this stick figure and go, "Eew!" confident that our man at home is sayin', yeah! My baby got back!

I had the privilege of seeing Bill Maher's HBO show a few weeks ago (I say privilege because I do not have cable/satellite and my TV is 1/2 purple so I don't watch too much of it... it had an accident with my floor as I adjusted some cables on it and it just hasn't been the same since...). Dismayed, appalled, frightening...that would be a good start. The topic? The University of Colorado professor who called WTC victims 'little Eichmanns' in an essay. The setup? The brother (gorgeous, by the way) of a victim, employed by Cantor Fitzgerald. Maher had read the whole essay and wanted to give this idiot professor his time to explain how his words were taken out of context, to offer this idiot a forum to say what he meant rather than being contextualized by the media. However, when the idiot spoke, it was didn't seem as though anything was taken out of context. According to this idiot, the victims, at least a few of them, had to have been the type of person Eichmann was; you know the kind, the person who facilitates the murder of 6 million people. They're everywhere, you know. Foot-in-mouth disease apparently can't be stopped even when an anti-American p-fer like Maher gives you a soft landing. The gorgeous brother responded angrily that none of the people at Cantor Fitzgerald were the evil empire-ites the idiot claims they were. Further, his brother was the kindest, gentlest soul you could ever hope to meet. The idiot just goes on about how some people in the WTC were, so there. Following this logic, I suppose we should blow up all buildings where large numbers of people are gathered, just to make sure we get all the little Eichmanns... This idiot sounded just as horrible, mean-spirited, and ego-centric in person as he did in the essay (worse, perhaps). Maher tried to rescue the show by going on about how horrible it was for the US to have bombed Dresden (I know, I know, if you went to CA public schools as I did you may not know this is a city in Germany which the allies leveled in WWII), how horrible our bombings of Nagasaki and Hiroshima were (read Prisoners of the Japanese before you nod to this assertion), how we killed the Native Americans to take their land. Maher must suffer from funnel vision. The only way he could even begin to make any correlation between the WTC attacks and all that claptrap is to be looking through a funnel. Yes, a funnel. In a funnel, you see a little bit around you but you're primarily focused on a single spot. Again, just in keeping with the spirit of their logic, the Louvre should be leveled due to French atrocities in Southeast Asia, for the war crimes committed by Napoleon. I'd really love to hear the penance Germany should pay for both WWI and WWII... oy vay! What should Russia suffer for Stalin's extermination of 10 million Russians? What should we do to those awful communist Cambodians for Pol Pot? Oh that's right, he killed off everyone already, maybe their dues are paid. First, I'd argue there is no issue with the leveling of Dresden, with the bombings of Hiroshima or Nagasaki. It was war, we needed a way out, we sacrificed thousands on the beaches of Normandy and in the trenches of the South Pacific, it's not possible to think we were just going to march our way through Europe; the air fight--including Hiroshima and Nagasaki--were critical to bringing that war to an end. I agree, our treatment of the Native Americans was an abomination; it is a horror; I wish to god it had been different. But we can't change it, and 3000+ people do not have to die today for those crimes. There isn't a nation on this earth who has not committed atrocities in its history. Not a single one. Not even Switzerland. The leftists are so blindingly funnel-visioned, they can ignore the horrors committed by everyone and everything but the United States. We are eternally damned for having the nerve to have existed as a nation. But never, NEVER do innocent victims deserve to be incinerated, never do they deserve to be forced to jump off a 100+ storey building to avoid the unbearable pain of burning to death in the flames of ignited jet fuel. Further, Maher, those ideologues don't give a damn about Dresden; they are only focused on how to hurt the United States for having rescued Kuwait from the grips of Saddam and doing it on Saudi Arabian soil. They only care about the fact that we support Israel. Lefists ignore all kinds of things, including that no Arab country has come to the rescue of the so-called Palestinians, and how homicide bombers walking into Passover dinners. I would really like to know how someone like Maher resolves the tyranny which has been a part of all history in all countries and all territories for all humanity, how he resolves the conflict in himself between the US-as-sole-world-aggressor and reality. How he and his ilk can continually justify anti-US rhetoric with our past 'crimes' while completely ignoring those of other countries. Let's see the current standings: Stalin 10,000,000+ Hitler 6,000,000+ Pol Pot 3,000,000+ Rwanda 937,000+ Milosovic 200,000+* What US atrocities equal those stated above and therefore justify the innocent lives taken on 9/11? *It's difficult to see which of the quoted figures is accurate; will update as located.

Read all about it In February, I wrote about the creepy chick who was married to a child predator who lived too close to a school. So, upon his release from prison, she and he had to move to meet the so-many-feet-from-schools probation requirement. I elected her to creepy chick of the year for staying married to a creature who would even have to meet such requirements. One of my commenters says, so, what are we supposed to do? Put them all in a village in Death Valley? No, that would be too good for them. Every 20 years, they'd see a nice bloom of flowers. They deserve no such luxuries. To the commenters credit, he/she leaves the door open for discussion on eternal incarceration for these predators. With the death of Jessica Marie Lunsford at the hands of just such a predator, it's inconceivable that we would ever allow them into any neighborhood ever again. Siberia would be too good. Maybe a stint on Antarctica, however, might be just the place. Perhaps we could provide them a choice; Antarctica, or life in general prison population. The monster who apparently raped and definitely murdered this poor child had no history of child murder, just the types of crimes the creepy chick's husband had committed. It's laughable to believe that just because they won't live near a school the children are safe from the creepy chick's predator husband. When, WHEN will the we learn; child predators, habitual violent criminals, felons of most types, do not rehabilitate. To loose them on society is, well, to be perfectly willing to say, "Yup, we can't lock people away forEVER, when they pay their dues to society, the rest of the price is more raped and murdered little babies. Yup, we're okay wid dat. What else ya gonna do?" Exactly, what else are we going to do. What else.

Read all about it Well well well. The dirty little secret about fully socialized medicine is poking out from underneath the hospital blankie. Doling out healthcare on the government dime works about as well for the Canadians as this premise for a society worked for the USSR. In Canada, you have to wait months for an orthopedic surgeon and you're not even allowed to buy what the government won't give you as a handout. That makes as much sense as--as--I can come up with no equally illogical comparison. I really like where the US healthcare system was ranked 37th in the world by the World Health Organization, 7 behind Canada's 30th place win. Sure, no politics at work in that ranking, especially when I have found the following facts: 1. The United States has the highest survival rate of breast cancer of all countries in the entire world. At a 5-year survival rate (a key cancer long-term survival indicator) of 80%, we beat the next-best Germany by 5%, France (#1 according to the WHO's ranking) by 10%, and Britain by 65%. That's right, if you get breast cancer in Britain, you have only a 25% chance of surviving 5 years. The communist feminists have long decried the breast cancer "death sentence" and politicize it, but apparently aren't so concerned with it that they highlight that their socialist pet countries do a much worse job of treating it than this awful capitalist USA does. 2. The United States invents most of the world's drugs. The research and development for these drugs is borne mostly on the backs of hard-working by the Americans who pay full price for these drugs; the Canadian government controls the prices the pharmaceutical companies can charge in Canada. Any votes for letting Candians die of HIV, breast cancer, childhood leukemia, or any number of the drugs we invented at our incurred cost, which they refuse to pay? 3. The United States has 45 million uninsured. Soooo, let's see, that means we have 255 million insured. Since Canada has about 45 million people total, there's no comparison between what they can offer their paltry citizen base vs. the monumental effort of insurring 100% of Americans, where our uninsured population is the population of their whole country. The American population base is roughly 6 times that of Canada. 4. Many Americans are uninsured by choice, not all, but about 10% of the uninsured. They have the funds to buy a base insurance policy and elect not too. That's their choice, isn't it? Why should someone be forced to pay the government 50% of their income for healthcare expense when they do not want healthcare? I could go on. But the fact is that healthcare quality plummeted when Canada went to socialized medicine. This blogger predicts a significant rollback of the system Canada has today, before it goes completely broke.

Read all about it This article describes how schools are slowly but certainly inserting themselves into the parental role with a sinister result; becoming the power broker of everyone's children. They are achieving this goal by creating policies with euphemism-ridden claptrap such as "routine and comprehensive...mental health screenings" which can thus be used to recommend "state-of-the-art treatment." The fact that any horror movie calling itself a school would find it appropriate or necessary to perform mental health screenings ought to turn the projectors to themselves. Schools cannot even figure out simple things such as why US kids score the lowest in the western world on science and math tests, or how to manage large classrooms with state budget problems. How in the hell do they expect to manage your kid's mental health? What moron has not yet discovered the fact that problems tackled factory farm-style are more likely to be manipulated, misinterpreted, falsely positive or negative, bloated, and misdirected efforts? There have been too many cases where a school (a teacher, usually) recommended some medication or another and when the parent refused, the parent was taken up on charges and forced to administer these medications. California had to pass a special law just to prevent the Ritalin laden social workers from knocking on your front door based on the recommendation of a near-illiterate teacher. There is no scientific evidence that "ADD" or any of the myriad of so-called disorders even exist. Many believe the teachers are simply trying to drug children into submission, to make them better pets--er, students. Teachers, administratos, counselors fail horrendously to recognize that there are underlying reasons for social misbehaviors, and their answers are too simplistic; drugs, self-esteem, blah blah blah. ADD itself is most likely not a disorder at all, but a unique way some people think. Imagine the possibility that in millions of years of evolution, not every human being was designed to sit for 8 hours in a sterile classroom on a rock-hard seat, highly focused on a breathing bobblehead blathering on and on (frequently unintelligibly). Is it that impossible to believe that some children will not be able to endure such drivel and thus find it difficult or impossible to sit still? Rather than the logical solution of having assorted teaching methods to accommodate these differences, which is too expensive, it's so much easier to simply drug 'em up! Hardly anyone believes schools should be focused (dare I use the word, ADD-er that I am) on anything other than education. How else to rid polite society of "I should have went!", hmmm? It is an Orwellian future if schools have this much input to your child's upbringing. When schools can nary handle anyone or anything outside the most center spot on the bell curve, I shudder at the prospect of them diagnosing the "mental problems" of those who fall on either side of it. If they succeed, they will stamp out the most creative, wonderful, free spirits that exist on this earth. PS: Five bucks to a 9th grade English teacher who can even tell me what a bell curve is!

Marla, a Newport Beach-ite and fashion hawk eye asks, what the hell IS it with those jeans? We're with you Marla. After having witnessed a monstrosity walk by me in the mall yesterday, I had to stop and ponder the state of jeans today. While I realize I have yet to share my solution to Mideast Peace on the blog, writing is therapeutic and this assault on my eyes was so profound I may be permanently traumatized if I do not do some therapy. First, the female approaching me was fat. Not chubby, not abdominal muscle challenged, not voluptuous. I have very good friends who probably would call themselves fat (I wouldn't, they're beautiful). But they also wouldn't be caught dead in the freak show ensemble that vaporized my peaceful afternoon. So what was this outfit? Pubic hairline-low Seven for All Mankind jeans, a white belt, tennis shoes, a pink half shirt, 2 to 3 inch white-tipped claws, and a belly-o-blubber that would feed a California to Alaska winter migration. The topper? White stretch mark streaks across the orange self-tanner. "Lady", do you have a mirror? Does it lie to you like the wicked stepmother's mirror mirror on the wall? It is nothing short of an act of magic if she looked at herself in the mirror; because what she saw couldn't be what was or she'd a run to the nearest Clothestime for a $12 change of clothes; any scrap she bought there would be better than the abomination she wore. So back to those Seven jeans. They are a hideous, flat-assed concoction of gay men, and therefore they are made for Mankind. There is no other way to explain the shapeless square form into which curvy women are supposed to pour their hips and asses. However, even flaming homosexuality cannot explain the belief that jeans which look like they were ripped apart during a wild sexual encounter with Edward Scissorhands then repaired with iron on patches and frayed yarn are some sort of fashion statement. Only 200/200 vision comes close, but still, the price tag! Between the flat asses, the visibly hacked fronts, the fact that nearly every 20 year-old is too fat to have anything sitting at the pubic hairline, and that even those who are skinny enough to pull it off look like anorexics failing in recovery, I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone pays top dollar for what should be an ill-conceived fashion flop.

Read all about it -- Thanks for the link Marla Just when you thought analyses on the state of the patriarchal world around us were stuffed right along with the Easter Bunny's phallic ears, along come Swedish femmes to remind us of our angst and oppression. Gee, we had forgotten; between our trips to be pampered at the spa, the intellectual pursuit of the perfect purse, and driving our luxury automobiles to the designer hat shop, we forgot how oppressed we really are. Never mind that in Sudan, women are traded with less hassle than cattle; girls are still being hacked to bits during genital mutilations; rape victims are tossed out with the Sunday paper in nearly every strongly Islamic culture on this planet. God damnit, when is Big Guv gonna pay for my broken fingernails? You know, the ones I broke when I tried to scratch the eyes out of the heteronormative barfly who had the nerve to eyeball my body two millimeters below my chin. These pampered Swedish femmes disgust me, and any breath they take to talk about their "oppression" and proposals to tax men for the violence against women is wasted oxygen. To make all things equal, I hope they also plan to tax women to cover the lost wages and funeral expenses of the children women murder, since mothers murder most of their own flesh and blood, at a far higher rate than the non-genetic mongrels the mothers bring into the households voluntarily (which are next on the list in numbers of child murderers). If Swedish women haven't made it to the head of the board room, perhaps Sweden should look at the time-off policies; with years off work paid and guaranteed jobs on return, who would work? After all, the femmes should support letting the patriarchal, woman abusing, goose stepping males do all the dirty work. And since 85% of all industrial deaths are absorbed by men (cuz femmes sure as hell won't work dangerous jobs, they're too busy taking 10 years off), what a better way to rid all society of the XY chromosome-d vermin?

Read all about it --and turn up the sound!!! If you read any of the MWB posts, it's easy to see I'm never, ever short on words or slicing commentary. However, a quick visit to Barry Williams' website (aka "Greg Brady") has rendered me completely speechless. Comments on the rap, the photo ops, anyone? This site nearly qualifies Barry for a 'win' in the "Movie Star P-Fer" category, but MWB decided against it; he seems like a nice guy and all, and harmless, pitiful, even. We're reserving "Movie Star P-Fer" awards for pigs like Hanoi Jane and Mike Pig Fucker Farrell. Dear Barry is simply a handsome version of our TV friend Al Bundy, always relishing in one great high school football pass since all adult endeavors have been flops. For example, Barry wrote a book where he revealed he boinked Mrs. Brady; eew! It was a visual none of us wanted and definitely we didn't want to read. Anyway Barry, MWB truly wishes you the best. I think, however, were there competition for a seat in the a-list restaurant described in a previous post, I might even win that seat from you.

Read all about it Enough about the poor slaughtered bulls. I have not seen anything as funny as the website above (www.uglydress.com) since the online magazine Blairmag.com did a feature called "Gay or Eurotrash." The commentary on the dresses alone is enough to give you an ab workout you couldn't get on a medicine ball with a trainer named Helga. And if you also look at the dresses, you're gonna get a sideache that's akin to appendicitis. Unbelievably, "Gay or Eurotrash" is still out there! Here you go... http://www.blairmag.com/blair3/gaydar/euro.html

This picture depicts a bullfighter taunting a bull with three swords jutting out of his flesh, his life's blood gushing down to his feat, his demise imminent. It is hard for me to imagine how a human being could have no pity, no empathy, no compassion for another living creature who has the capability of experiencing excruciating pain and fear. Human beings must demonstrate by their actions that they are higher forms of life. To torture an innocent animal in this way is hardly different from throwing two people in a den of lions and watching as the lions tear them to shreds. While I in no way make an equal comparison between the loss of human life and the loss of bovine life, I firmly believe that the person who is capable of the one is a pinky finger away from being capable of the other. A few years ago I watched a very good documentary made by a camera hidden in the burka of a woman journalist in Afghanistan during the Taliban rule. The oppressive nature of the clothing made concealment of a camera possible, even though still dangerous. The film showed a soccer game patrolled by Taliban bullies with whips in their hands. If a spectator clapped or cheered, they could be whipped (or worse). It struck me at that moment how easy it would be to find such bullies in any society; angry, power-hungry, cruel, and bitter people are everywhere. Bullfighting epitomizes this reality; in a supposedly highly civilized society, a bully (pardon this pun), a power-hunger and cruel 'person' exacts an unimaginable cruelty upon a sentient creature so that the sentient creature can enjoy some sort of elevated afterlife (this is what Spaniards believe)... it's the same philosphy that drives homicide bombers and lets them mentally check out as they walk into a crowded street and proceed to blow other human beings--women, children, men, boys, and themselves--into bits with nary a second thought.

Read all about it Last night three friends and I went to the Duran Duran concert at Staples Center in Downtown Los Angeles. This review is pretty darn close to our experience, except that it does not accurately capture the essence of our total rapture. Henry, Marla, Roxie, and Michela (moi) went headlong into the dreaded DT Los Angeles for a night of our lives, and unlike the unfortunate Floridian reviewers in this article (from Broward County no less...) who were only treated to 70 minutes (unless those crazy chad counters just couldn't watch a clock correctly), we writhed and gawked to over 2 hours of pure boy toy joy. Us and everyone around us and behind us and to the side of us could scarcely take our eyes off the dream boy band to whom we had secretly listened since grade school, nor could we bring ourselves to sit even for a second. The party was on; the closet Duran fans were out; the music was alive. There is nothing quite like hearing 19,000 people sing "Hungry like a Wolf", "Girls on Film", "Planet Earth", in damn good unison. Nothing like three girlfriends arm-in-arm swaying to "Save a Prayer" and singing with the crowd, near tears. There's nothing like holding hands with 2 gay men you have never met while belting out "Her name is Rio and she dances in the sand / just like that river flowing through a dusty land / and when she shines she really shows you all she can..." while dancing your heart out, knowing the concert is drawing to an end. There's nothing like a flash of light from special effects illuminating 38,000 arms up in the air as the 19,000 bodies to which they are attached bounce in near-brainwashed synchronous waves. We were, those 19,000 of us, bonded as we couldn't imagine possible. Just as Marla points out, they were the first boy-toy band in the history of music and they sang their own songs, played real instruments (although what Nick Rhodes really does up there is subject to debate), wrote their own songs, virtually invented the live-or-die by MTV phenomenon, and reinvent any cover they do and make it their own. They belted out a screamin', rockin', hip hoppin' version of "White Lines" that really puts the treasured original in a dark shadow. I always loved their version of "Fame"; I favor that one over David Bowie's as well, I'm sorry to say (though not performed Saturday night). I think I will always remember this show, from the fantabulous dinner at The Clubhouse, the fantabulous company, the fantabulous parking spot (we're not tellin' where it was, either!), our two new friends in front of us, shakin' their fannies and groovin' with us like there's no tomorrow, being stricken by an incurable dance fever, the dazed and confused pill popper Jenny who repeatedly tried to correctly frame the question, "Who is your fave Duranie?", I wouldn't live without one second of this night. We all had so little psychological build-up to this concert; we nearly sold our very good seats on eBay for triple the money, and then we were so blown away it's a night none of us will ever forget. Whodda thunk the boy band all grown up (along with their grown-up fans) would be able to captivate us so. Whodda thunk a band so techno-poppish and synthetic could be so outrageously good live. And whodda thunk we'd find it so cool one day to be right there, waving and screaming and boogeying and hugging as though it were 1984. Oh baby!

Read all about it Just as the research has proved for many years, the feminist claims that women make 80 cents on the dollar are anywhere from slanted to patently false. In fact, so much of the available research (helloooo femmes, that's 'r-e-s-e-a-r-c-h' as in 'scientific' as in 'method' as in 'back up your fathead claims with facts')indicates that women earn more than men in some fields. If it was truly so much cheaper to employ women, no firm in business to make money would do anything but employ women. That's an obvious fact. Few misogynists will care more about their sexist views than their wallets. In fact, I've found that pig and cheapskate seem to go hand in hand. The femmes completely ignore (it's so convenient to do so) the glaring fact that women in droves avoid high-stress, high-travel, high-danger jobs. I know not a single woman who would be a plumber even if her life depended on it. They won't work 100 feet up on electricity line poles as a repairwoman, or as Alaskan king crab fisherwomen, or as longshorewomen. Additionally, I can attest to an area patently missing women as well; the computer sciences. Just a few years back, long after the burned bra ashes had blown away, I found myself getting a BS in computer science. There were four women in the starting class of 80, and two left at the end of our program, including moi. Of course plenty of the guys dropped out too, but with only a starting number of four, there's no room for dropouts and still maintaining percentages. Forget trying to explain my little anecdote away with "girls just aren't encouraged to go into the sciences"... Yah, and a lot of guys have fathers telling them they are worthless and can't do shit either. Don't these poor guys get a pass for not having been nutured to achieve their wildest dreams and maximizing their potentials? NO? Pourquoi pas? That's because as grown-ups in a frequently harsh world, we must pick up our bootstraps, and get the job done. We must make the choice to be manicurists, receptionists, electricians, or computer scientists. We must not expect the world to bend over backwards, to create our opportunities; we must create them for ourselves and seize them when they materialize. The world will disappoint us the more we expect and demand from it without putting effort into it. With abdication of personal responsibility, how can we expect to be respected for our choices. The femmes shove big white posters of coat hangers in my face and demand freedom of choice, simultaneously they say women are too incompetent to make choices when they have the freedom to do so because some bad daddy in the past didn't help them go farther in life. So Gloria Steinham, Susan Falucci, Barbara Boxer, Diane ConFeinstein, are we responsible for our destinties, or not? Which is it?

I have lots of ex-Californian friends. Friends who've fled to Colorado, Washington, Arizona, Nevada, Virginia, even Ohio for God's sake (but she's back!). They all send me pix of their houses and tell me, Michela, my dear, why do you stay there. Look what you get here for so much less money. This is why. It can pour down rain for 24 hours straight, then sunny and warm enough the 25th hour to put the top down on the car, and to see this view from my balcony...

and to be geographically minutes from this, on any day in January...

I'm supposed to trade this for 1000 extra sqaure and 1000 times the humidity?

Read all about it Dr. David Graham, you are truly a vile person. Yet another pompous ivory tower know-it-all ready to dictate to all humanity that pain and pain medication are things that should remain strictly in the domains of pompous know-it-alls. Dr. Graham so easily dismisses the real pain endured by arthritis sufferers and says that the best medications they might have to control that pain are not worth the risk. Dear god Graham what planet are you living on. Start with the statistics; the worst estimates of the increased heart attacks for those using COX-2 inhibitors (such as Vioxx) is twice that the rate of everyone else. That means instead of two people out of a thousand having a heart attack, four people out of a thousand will. "Yeah but you'd hate to be one of the extra two..." Really? Not if I was in unbearable pain. Second, it is impossible for one person to categorically assert that someone else's pain is not worth the risks of those medications, never mind how small or not. Let's just say the risk is big. What kind of inhuman little Hitler (we know what free speech means too, University of Colorado) is willing to force people to suffer in pain because of risk; why are those people not allowed to assume the risk in pursuit of a better life. That's what motorcyclists do every day they ride one. What I do every day I drive a car, on US highways where over 40,000 people every single year perish. Where's the outcry there... Last, the FDA as gatekeeper to all medications is the most alarming of all. Once again, we're servile children to our big daddy government (something Republicans profess to despise) to protect us from us. They stranglehold the release of medications or cause the withdrawal of medications based on absurd increased risks. Why am I not allowed to assume those risks as an informed person?

Read all about it The headline is "Social Security not in Crisis, Most Say" but the first sentence is "Most Americans are certain Social Security will go bankrupt but are not ready to embrace changes that would shore up the system's finances..." The headline should be, "Americans too chickenshit to do anything about bankrupt social policies."

MSNBC ran the story that France is easing the rules on the 35 hour work-week created by the Socialists in 1998 and implemented slowly thereafter to ease unemployment. Since it has remained either in or near double digits, it hasn't helped. An overview of unemployment rates ending 2004: California (the world's 5th largest economy): 3.1% Japan: 4.4% Ireland: 4.8% UK: 5.0% US: 5.1% Australia: 5.1% Denmark: 5.4% Sweden: 5.7% Italy: 7.2% Canada: 7.3% France: 9.9% Spain: 11.3% Germany: 11.4% Poland: 19.6% Not much commentary required. While all the leftist nutcrackers whine about "free" medical care, perhaps it's good to remember: there is no free lunch. That "free" medical care is paid for by 2x the tax rate and most likely your job. It reminds me of a mildly funny line in a favorite TV show; the glamorous lead pours herself a drink from her well-appointed bar and her villainous visitor asks for one. She replies, "Buy your own." What a concept.

Read all about it Every kid with a taste for thrills has hung onto a car while on a bike, skateboard, roller blades, anything with wheels and no motor. But you hang onto the back end of the car, k? Still not as safe as a day at the library but you won't get run over by the car you are hanging onto. If you fall, see, the car is in front of you. Was this guy hanging onto the grill or what? That's (A). (B) The "kid" was 25 years old! Hopefully he hasn't reproduced yet; otherwise his death was too late to save the gene pool.

Today's crime reports are too much to stomach and nearly too grotesque to repeat. Headline after headline: "Texas couple accused of abusing baby" "NJ woman charged in teen daughter's slaying" "Pair in child torture case return to FL" "Mother admits to starving children" "Woman scalped girl after slight" And from the not-so-distant past: "Woman drowns 5 children in bathtub" "Woman stabs boyfriends teen son to death" "Police say Smith drove car into lake with sons in car seats" The headline Texas couple accused of abusing Baby doesn't even come close to describing the horrors behind it. An XX chromosome devoid of any soul and its equally soul-devoid sperm donor sexually assaulted and broke nearly every bone in their six month old baby's body. SIX months old. Hitler would be proud, since the baby appears to be of Hispanic descent. Before anyone accuses me of racism, note that making Hitler proud is not exactly a compliment... and Mengele could scarcely come up with a more gruesome experiment than what was done to this poor baby. And the mother was there. Scott Peterson became the face of the patriarchy for the liberal feminazis when he murdered Laci. He proved, for all the world, exactly how brutalized women are, Laci being the murdered-pregnant-woman-as-gender-archetype-as-victims-as-anything-else-they-came-up-with-in-gender-studies-class. Proof, proof! women are not safe and men, MEN! are the doers of all evil. He also proved that men, yes, MEN! hold the lock on murder, abuse, mortifying mayhem. One could scarcely change the channel after his arrest without hearing a gender equality professor leftist spew out, "No woman is safe when she is pregnant." Applying nifty lefty logic, the reality is "no child is safe", if there is a woman around. Absurd, of course, but we're just applying the rules equally, as the feminazis claim to demand. Applying the rules equally, we see that women, yes, WOMEN! murder more of their own children than men. That women, yes, WOMEN! are anywhere from complicit to active to the sole participants in heinous acts performed against their own children. That there are women, yes, WOMEN! who serve their own sisters up for rape and murder to their men. Unfortunately, womens' studies programs can--and do--dismiss the realities with yet more patriarchal gender oppression rhetoric. They obstinately stand behind the assertion that men commit all crimes and women are not responsible for any crimes they do commit, were they to commit any crimes. This belief system is (of course) not clearly stated anywhere, because if it were it would sound ridiculous, even to them. It also leaves the belief system virtually immune to real debate and challenge. If I say, "You think it's okay for a woman to drown her five children because her husband was an asshole!" they can say, "We never said that! She was denied treatment". Always an out... Frankly, my new defacto response to "guys are such jerks" is "and women murder more children than men!"... so there! There's enough evil for all chromosomes to share. They contain the makings of a person, but no the soul or conscience or shred of humanity, not one feminine nanoliter's worth. We cannot prevent the carnage documented in today's headlines without acknowledging the root cause. And womens' studies will do more to help "women" (and future women who are children today) if they studied this frightful phenomenon a little more and the Patriarchal Easter Bunny a lot less.

A Mediawatchblogger on the street reports that a local law enforcement agency (probably the Los Angeles Police Department) is likely consigning police-seized pirated DVD's to auction houses for resale. What's the deal? Let Mediawatchblog tell you... according to our gumshoe blogger, the covers of the DVDs looked damn good. If some poor unsuspecting soul buys them, take them to a swapmeet (which is the likely resource for many enterprising auction attendees trying to make a living), re-sell them, voila! The movie companies have lost another sale to a pirated DVD and the police gain a customer via fines, and the profits from--YES! You guessed it!--consigning the seized property, AGAIN! Pity to the poor unsuspecting auction guy who falls into what amounts to police entrapment. Mediawatchblogger is watching this situation and will provide corruption updates as received.

Read all about it The Recording Industry Association of America mistakenly identified an 83 year-old woman as a music swapping maven and named her in a lawsuit. When she dies after a protracted illness and her daughter sends the death certificate, the best their media baffoon (aka a "Spokesman") can come up with is "[she] was likely not the smittenedkitten" they were seeking. This genius definitely earned his paycheck this week.

Read all about it Why do the Catholics always gasp in terror when the Pope sneezes? He's 84 years old, he sounds terrible, can barely hold his head up, has lived a fantastic life, and is about to go to heaven. What's the tragedy here?

Read all about it Whitebread as they come Laura B is going to somehow work to 'curb' (a laughable goal no matter who leads the charge) gang violence. I'm not even sure I'd recruit Laura B to manage the 'violent books' section of Barnes and Noble (were there such a thing).

The Victoria's Secret parent company recently murmured the possibility of getting rid of their flailing Express/Limited clothing stores after a spate of poor performances, but keeping the wildly successful lingerie/skin care lines. I don't understand how any chick shops at Victoria's Secret, no offense to my dear friend who must have suffered dearly to give me an abfab birthday present. Guys, you're stuck. You gotta go there for the once-a-year obligatory purchase. How are you chicks shopping there _all the time_? The stores are a mess, the lines are long, the available sizes are alternately gigantic stick figure or gigantic blow up doll, they're constantly out of stock on things they should have (like their house brand panty hose or bras), their quality sucks (the first washing of their primo brand bra crumpled the padding like a piece of paper and basically ruined it; subsequent replacements did the same thing), the staff is either permafrost or permadumb, and that's just from the memory of a year ago. Indelible though it is, since it was my experience every other goddamn time I went there to try to get just the simplest thing! And by the way, their perfume reeks! Maybe they waft the air with opium fumes, how else to explain anyone tolerating this lingerie trainwreck otherwise. My undies are off to Nordies, as usual, they always have my size and the staff might be a little dim sometimes but they always, always try hard.

Read all about it Can you imagine being called to work in a whorehouse by the government? Penalty or not... it's a beautiful outcome of social engineering...

One of my neighbors is a pair of 30-ish people living together in an apartment which, like nearly all apartments, has the sound insulation of a cardboard box with a microphone inside and the corresponding speaker outside. They are the happiest couple you've ever seen, if your relationship-of-choice is life in the overcrowded den of tazmanian devils. About 30-31 random days a month, they can be heard screeching, thrashing, knocking, banging, and hating each other right into the street. When passing in the apartment hall, she's friendly, he grunts. Yet all the shrill screaming ("I hate you! Fuck you! I hate you!") is hers. Unfortunately I've been privvy to a glimpse of abusive relationships--with a male abuser--when living with my sister; the neighbor behind us beat his wife. All the screaming, the deep thunder of shouting, was male. Here, it's female. And it's so high pitched you think it might be him, if she has pliers on his balls and is plucking his pubic hairs out with electric tweezers. The police have been called. She disappears for a few days, and just when you think ah, maybe he did kill her! There she is again. But you don't see her; you hear her. And the disturbing devil dance begins again. So many people have asked me why don't I do something, why I don't more actively intervene. I've been tempted, at 2 a.m. when the pounding has gone on more than 15 minutes and then the screaming begins. But the reality is that I can't save someone who can't be saved. And such a phone call or personal visit by the police (or god forbid, me), is bound simply to result in death. Them shooting me, me shooting them, cop shooting them, the outcomes are all undesirable. And it also ignores one important fact; maybe, just maybe, they enjoy their devil dance and to live without it--in a so-called sane relationship--would be a life too devoid of depth to taste. Sick, maybe. But so is ironing your sheets and we don't call the police on that one... It's egocentric, bogus intellectualizing that assumes these dances are always unwanted and must be stamped out as surely as g strings on a family beach. I'll remember this at 2 a.m....

Sponge Bob's 15 minutes in the news has proven once again that the Sex Starved Trinity (evangelical, born-again, fundamentalists) still sees homo sex, baaaad homo sex that, dadgummit, don't even produce no babies. The homos are anywhere and everywhere they look for it and they want YOU. Under the table, in the MICR line of your checkbook, in cartoons. "They" are recruiting, so watch out. We're pretty sure there was a confirmed homo Cabbage Patch Kid, but the awakening really began with the she-tubbie, Tinky Winky. A Purple-Pursie was observed by a keen-eyed SST (none other than Jerry Falwell) flitting around his arm whilst seductively luring in the innocents by the lusciously plump, hypnotic sway of the Teletubbie bottom. It all but screamed, "Backdoor Babylon!" It's not that we're not all for the SST's revelations of rampant homo hedonism, the heightened awareness of active homo recruiting, or that we don't appreciate our enlightenment on the pervasiveness of homo perv, since frankly, we'd like to know where to find more of it and we really appreciate the tips. But we find it remarkable they care so much about what goes in or out of other people's asses. After all, we'd definitely rather not know the ins or outs of theirs.