Read all about it It might seem terribly cruel to make light of a story where a young woman has plunged to her death; how would I like such ridicule, after all, were it me. But frankly, if I'm doing handstands on a balcony railing, I deserve all the mockery the world can muster. Note: The news reporters undoubtedly didn't want to make the woman look like a total moron by reporting she was doing this handstand on the railing. However, I don't see how anyone could fall off a balcony doing said handstand if they weren't on the railing, or doing it so close to the railing the legs just flailed right over the side. Either which way, this lady was a complete moron.

Read all about it Right from the bowels of the Florida county that could not manage to punch a hole next to the candidate they wished to vote for, we have another Broward county Idiot Voter award. One of the same geniuses who couldn't work the punch cards in 1999 seems to have mailed their absentee ballot using a stamp worth over $200,000. The stamp hasn't been authenticated, but there doesn't seem to be any other explanation for a 24 cent stamp. The hawk-eyed County Commissioner spotted the stamp, as he had dabbled in stamp collecting in his youth. In fairness (although I'm not sure fairness is deserved here) the article mentions that since these stamps are so valuable, fakes have been sold on eBay. Maybe this voter got a fake on eBay and decided to use it on his/her absentee ballot. However, you will note that the article further explains the ballot was disqualified for having no name on the envelope, so Idiot Voter might very well have swiped a book of stamps from great grandpa's cherished collection and slapped one of them on the ballot. It all happened in Florida, after all....

Read all about it One of the things that seems quite laughable by the righteously indignant stance of the Democrats during this so-called Republican "crisis" is that it centers around a gay man who probably broke no laws (as the age of consent in Washington DC is 16). Therefore, this scandal has served merely to force a gay man out of the closet for no reason other than political bloodshed. Were the same thing to have occurred with a Democrat, those powder puff girls would have screamed endlessly over the "smear campaign" and the "witch hunt." AND, let's NOT forget the Monica Lewinsky scandal of the century; Clinton actually bonked her (although husbands all over America were thrilled to learn oral sex is not technically bonking so Clinton--and said husbands--should get a free pass on that basis alone). I quite clearly remember an interview where the Madonna herself said that Clinton should absolutely not be considered a criminal "for having sex." As if lying under oath about sexual harassment--created and advocated and shoved down all our throats like Clinton's weenie in Monica's mouth by those same damn liberals--is just "having sex." Based on that liberal premise alone, a premise and an assertion quite popular at the time, Mr. Foley should not be considered a criminal for talking about sex! As all indications are that's all he did. Now whether or not he deceived his voter base with some family values bullshit, I don't know; I'm not from Florida, thank God and Country. However, MWB is ecstatic to have yet another entry in the "Florida Fun" category so soon!!!! (Click --> Here <-- to go read more Florida Fun.)

Read all about it Florida is just an endless source of laughable maroonery. Unfortunately this story is a quite sad commentary on what can happen when said maroonery can make decisions that are so utterly destructive (like the guy who proudly invented CFCs...). I realize this was 30 years ago, but even 30 years ago we knew that tires had to be disposed of carefully because they would degrade into soil, polluting the soil. Gee, then what 68 IQ idiot thought that tires dissolving in the ocean would create a life supporting ocean reef? Did the idiot's flippers clap or just wave when the idea hit the conference room blackboard? Or was this decision rendered based on the wink of a groundhog? "He winked!" "Well, does that mean he approves?" "Yeah, says right here a groundhog wink is a 'yes' vote. So say the groundhog! Let the tire dumping begin!" And with this, the (so far) creme-de-la-creme Florida moron story, MWB succumbs and has created the category "Florida Fun." Welcome to our target list of mockery, FL!

Read all about it Thanks to Marla for these hillarious hijax...there are just so many ways to mock Floridians when they get a bit mischievous. This story is about two wacky Florida college kids who crawl into a giant balloon filled with helium, and promptly die. MWB will bet a million bucks there was no warning label on the killer balloon, but we suspect they were already too stoned (or stupid) to have understood such a warning label. Regardless, there were certainly a few signs these double-digit IQ drips missed, warning label or not. Hint #1 The balloon was really, really big, and yet it still managed to float mysteriously off the ground by several feet. Note to selves: big balloons that float off the ground are probably not filled with oxygen. Hint #2 Presuming the double digit drips cued in on Hint #1 in the slightest way, then they noticed the really big balloon wasn't filled with oxygen. Note to selves: humans breathe oxygen, not helium. Therefore, being completely surrounded by a gas that is not oxygen, and having no access to said oxygen to breathe, well, that just might be a recipe for your death. Hint #3 If you want to attend college in Florida, you're ill-equipped to be judging how much helium you can inhale and survive, so just skip it altogether. Not even the little bitty balloons tied to the happy birthday cards, k?

Read all about it Or between a vote for Bush and Gag me with a Gore-bee. How can you possibly expect those yet-to-be-identified Martians could discern the difference between pro and amateur photography? The funniest business travel stories I have are all my interactions with retarded Floridians. Funny now, that is; not funny at 12 a.m. when trying to get a rental car and sleep before an 8 a.m. meeting, which is 5 a.m. on the California clock. It was those trips that made me fully understand the voting "controversy" and why they felt so justified in defending their inability to distinguish one hole from another (that's another post entirely...squeal little piggie, squeal!). Whenever I went to the hotel, the car rental counter, or the airline counter, it was always the same... "Last name please." My name is one of those Irish deals with an O and an apostrophe; the next letter is a D, as in "O'Dxxx" 10 times out of 11; "O- whut?" I spell it. "We dont' have no D's... here. D whut?" I spell it again. "Is it D somthin, or O somthin'? " I always asked said counter person, "Did I land in Jacksonville, Florida or is this Mobile, Alabama? Juss checkin'..." Therefore my MWB friends, it's no surprise the example of the retarded Martian photo lab employee who cannot tell the difference between a pro photog and an amateur is, frankly, no shock.

Read all about it "Tampla, Fla.--" When Forida is the location of the news story's subject, you can bet it's a grisly event. MWB could create a whole category of "Grisly Florida News" and fill it every single month. Is it the heat? The humidity? Or is it just that it's such a miserable place only the lunatics either go or stay there? But so many of these horrifying, shocking events occur there it might be worthy of a) determining its root causes and b) convincing people Florida should just be formally named the violent fruitloop penal colony it already seems to be.